Amazing lives, amazing people

Isn't it amazing how much you realise one person has gone through in life as you get to know him/her better? When you first meet them, they're just any person you see walking on the street except you get to know their name and some basic questions about themselves. Or even if they think they've led an ordinary life as they say, you still learn a lot from them from the way they think or live their life.

I was talking to someone I had just known for 2 weeks at work and we got into a conversation which led into her telling me she used to be very strange before, quiet, just into her studies and herself, but she changed after her mom got sick. I was surprised of course, coz she's not strange now at all but more so about her mum and she lowered the volume of her voice as she talked on a bit more. Her mum got breast cancer and she said she didn't want to think about it anymore. Awhile later, as we were sitting and having lunch, i asked her again how she was strange before. She continued to explain, even continuing the story about her mum and I saw her the corner of her eyes dilating. As she kept talking, she started to cry. This happened 6 years ago and thankfully her mum is still alive. I think her mum is still coping and I'm not sure how much she is suffering now.

It has been really nice getting to know her more and talking to her. She's got a great heart.

Who do you admire the most and why?

I can't say I admire anyone the most...but someone I do admire is my friend's mummy. She is always so welcoming and smiling and so generous with what she has. She has gone through so much hardship after her husband left her and she had to raise 3 kids by herself but she didn't stop her ex-husband from her visiting rights. Times were tough, she had to move from being dependent to independent, English is not her first language but she stayed focussed on God. She has such a great heart and I was talking to her today at lunch at their church and she starts asking me if I have a boyfriend and I tell her my grandma asked me, my mum, my aunties..and even my ex-boyfriend's mum! And she's so funny, she starts telling me about this guy in their church and i turn to look. But I say...no way!! he's so old!! TOTALLY incompatible. =P Back at their house when my friend and her sister hear about this, they totally disagree with her, coz he's like 36! no wayyyy...We think he's better off with my friend's 34 year-old colleague/piano teacher. And their names both start with N. =P

It was great to catch up with my friend today and her family...they are always so welcoming. No matter the differences we may have in our Christian beliefs apart from our essential foundational trust in Jesus, God sees the heart. And they do have such lovely hearts.

After that, i went to catch my cousin's bf too coz he lives around the area and wanted to pass him a small pot from work which we didn't want anymore. It was great to catch up with him too, since according to him , i'm like his only "family" here. Bought some pasta and other stuff, and cooked pasta for dinner. He thought it was amazing and so easy to do - coz he thinks he sucks big time at cooking. In front of him, it appears like i'm a pro at cooking...but i'm not at all. SO he gets excited about cooking and stuff, and says "s0, are u free every saturday? ei serious.." He wants to cook more now too. Still have to introduce him to my aunties in Sydney - at least can meet more members of his "extended family" to-be. And I tell him about my aunty's even simpler but fantastic cooking.

It was a well-spent day, love spending quality time with people. But tired now...was watching the Simpsons with my cousin-in-law and i was literally falling asleep towards the end. Been sleeping late and waking up early on some days this week, that's why. Can sleep in tomorrow though....day off from kids church...yay!

G'night!

who are we compared to God?

I was just walking home from a friend's place at about 10 pm and looked up into the sky and it just made me stop. I mean, i look upwards sometimes at night, and it's black and sometimes there are so many stars, depending on where are...especially, if we're out of the city area.

But this sight was just different, maybe coz I hadn't seen it in a long time. I wish I had a camera to take a picture. There were many many fluffy grey clouds conglomerating in a big big circle and the bright yellow moon was present behind the clouds right smack in the middle. The clouds were moving, but it looked like the round moon was floating, dancing, watching over the world through the transparent clouds.

It was amazing because it reminded me how small I was and how big the world is. Being in Sydney can make us forget how big this world is, how even bigger the universe is and how much much greater God who created EVERYTHING is.

Quiet, empty.

It's after 9.30 pm at the hospital. Most patients seem to be asleep with the only light source coming from the hall way or their television sets. Imagine if you were one of those patients. You admitted yourself into the hospital for a small surgery. No one visits, no family or friends. Feels lonely. The only people you meet is the doctor or nurse who talks to you in that authoritative-u're-the invalid-but-trying-to-be-nice voice.

Just remember what my brother was telling me about my grandfather who asked my dad and my brother, why didn't they come and visit one night?

Walking through the lobby after hours was a little strange too. Hardly anyone is around, most lights have been turned off, the shops are closed...the day has ended. It feels a little sad.

Quiet, empty.

You know, I reckon heaven would be a place where it's always daytime. Daytime brings sunshine. The world comes alive. There's noise, and chatter and all sorts of musicality. There's hustle and bustle and lots of colour.

Darkness is just unbecoming. It's when the whole world goes dead.

Well, I guess some people would argue about night time being dead.

Anyway, guess what today? I passed my driving exam!!!! yayyyyy!!!!! i'm so relieved because it's my 2nd time. Finally I can drive the car on my own wherever I want. It's so great. Yay :)

a full weekend of eating

It started on Saturday with a carbohydrate filled brunch with the girls (entree, mains and dessert), followed by afternoon tea and dinner at 3 different locations but it was so fun as I went along with SJ (church friend who stayed with me for a few days but went back to S'pore today). It was nice to have her with me even for a short while...nice to have a housemate! Now getting used to being on my own again.

Sunday was with Aunty Kim, and Aunty Yen and my cousin, Jessica. It was great. I love eating with them and spending time with them. It's just nice to be with family and this time, I'm feeling more mature. Before I was the one who was more looked after, but I'm beginning to want to look after them too. At lunch/dinner, they would put stuff on my place, but this time, I wanted to make sure they had enough. Do they need a lift? I can't wait to be able to drive my car on my own and get out of my NSW learner's licence.

Our conversations yesterday also involved people (Esp. old people) being admitted into hospital. Jessica's grandfather had to go to hospital yesterday morning coz he was having breathing troubles and high blood pressure, and Aunty Yen's friend's father is also in hospital and he has a WHOLE HEAP of problems. And other ppl are going into hospital too...And people dying in the news from this deadly flu. It makes me think that whenever I dwell on stupid self-pity, I seriously could use my time better on serving others and asking after people. There are just so many people to serve: family and non-family.

Yesterday's sermon at church was fantastic(preaching from Jude 17-25). I brought Aunty Yen along with me since it was at 4.30 pm, and we had time to spare till dinner.

I will forever remember this illustration. Jude 23 tells us that we need to look after others. Our fellow brothers and sisters who are playing with fire and starting to accept falsehood...we need to snatch them out of the fire as they are in danger of being alive. We don't kindly open the door, and ask them nicely "would u please wake up and kindly walk out the door?". We give them a few slaps on the face and shake them to get up and if they don't, we drag them out of the door and out of harm's way. Why? Because we love them. We care for them.

(Jude 23b)...Hate even the garment stained by the flesh.
Hate the clothes (the immoral lifestyle) but love the people who wear them.
Hate the sin, but love the sinner.

Because aren't we all sinners too.

Taipei one year ago!

It's now been EXACTLY one year since I first arrived in TAIWAN...wow, I think we already dragged our luggage into our dorm rooms by now and I think at this time last year, an international student studying there who was looking out for us, took us outside the university grounds to go buy some food and I remembered how many 7-Elevens there were. Two on-campus and there were like 3 outside.

So many people are going to Taiwan or stopping over there.... my friend just went there for Lily's wedding on July 8th, Tim & Anna who got married yesterday have flown there since they're originally frm there, my work+uni mate went to Europe and she's stopping over in Taipei on her way back to Sydney.....I can't remember who else

I want to go to Taiwan toooooo...

This morning at Kid's church

Josh's (our church pastor) twin daughters, Laura & Stephie came to help out today. They even brought some treats to share, "mice" which they made out of sugar, egg white, some colouring. They're turning 12 next week and they usually go to another church for Sunday School. Jordan, Josh's son comes to our kids' church though and including him, we have 5 kids in our class (4-7 yrs). There are more kids at creche (under 4 yrs).

Anyway, these girls are wonderful and they're really good with kids. Josh has brought his children up so well, and when I mentioned to him how good they are, he said they're good SO FAR. Don't know about later. But I think, he and Karen, his wife have been a great example of godly parenting coz I just see the fruits of their labour in their children.

These girls are pretty mature for their age. If you speak to them, they're polite, friendly and willing to talk to you. And when you see them with kids, you realise they can just run Sunday School all on their own. They're creative, adaptable to different situations, calm, know what to say to the kids who are not behaving or listening or sharing, know the importance of our lessons and reinforcing what we've learned....they just handled the kids really well.

I learned a lot from them today.

Little girls with amazing talent and big humble hearts!

Kindness this morning

This morning, I was making my usual 15-minute walk to my friend's place (and then we go together to work in her car, she works 10 minutes away from me) when a car stopped. I thought they needed help with directions. I looked into the car and there was a kind looking senior Asian man at the wheel and a senior Asian woman sitting at the back. He said something, i didn't understand and he asked me where I was going. He's seen me walking in the morning and they thought I was Korean. And I then found out they were Korean too. He was going to drop her off in the city too, and I told him where I was going. He asked if I would like a lift and I contemplated it for like 1 second and said okay.

I know it sounds pretty "whaaatttt????" ...you did " what????" But not only was a lift nice coz I was running late, but they seemed really nice, and I was touched by his sincerity especially. And I didn't think they were in any way dangerous (but yeah i know u're thinking, HOW DO U KNOW??). He told me in the car that they have a 5.30 am service or something. They go to a Korean church in Greenacre (which is out west in Sydney), and asked if I go to church too. He had dropped off someone in Kingsford (the suburb next to mine) and was going to drop the lady off in the city, before heading home to Vaucluse (which is like 15 minutes away). They all live in the Eastern suburbs of Sydney, so that's why he drops them all the way here. When he mentioned Vaucluse, I thought of Chris Looi's dad, a church friend. He is someone else whose heart for God is so inspiring, his generosity in opening his house to whoever is incredible, that after I spoke to him, I felt touched to tears (not bucketloads, ok haha and not in front of him) because of his genuine interest and time he took to share with me stuff and encourage me in my walk with God. He even gave me a book to read. He is one amazing person. God has used him so much and God has worked in many many people's hearts through him, I know it.

Anyway, Mr Park, the Korean man, looked like such a kind grandfather, someone who is still alert at that age, someone who loves God and loves people. They get up so early to praise God, and his kindness really touched my heart. It's amazing how God taught me about kindness this very morning through the simple actions of these Korean people. When I was waiting for my friend in her lobby, I saw another old man who wakes up early to take his dogs for a walk or maybe they belong to his daughter. We said hello and said hello to Bubble, the cute dog...he's quite nice. When I came in once, he asked if I was Chinese and we chatted a little bit.

I kinda like talking to old people sometimes, they're great.

Sometimes I have thoughts of what I would like to be like when I get old, if I ever reach that age. I hope to still be alert, active and to have a life that serves God and loves people, just like Mr. Park and Mr. Looi.

Wake up early

Read a friend's blog today and he mentioned how he realises how important it is to get up early, to pray properly, plan and think for the day on how he can glorify God throughout the day, taking a good amount of time to do things in no rush.

Unlike the usual waking up late, and because of that time seems to be so short, there is not enough time for everything, like expressing prayer to God, and having to take shower in hurry, no breakfast, walk to station in hurry, arrive at office and do everything in a hurry.... and another day passes by...

And it's true what he says, that's the way for me, I think. I wake up and rush so that I can go to work and try to get to work on time. At this time with the cold weather and my sleeping late habits, I am getting lazier to wake up early...

Will try to get up early...but must sleep early....

will try.... so far, still failing..

Hostel 2

I went to watch this movie with some friends on Saturday night. Haven't watched the first show which I heard was pretty gory, and had a lot of blood to scare people. Not that I wanted to watch this show, but my friend wanted to watch it, so okay...If you don't know what it's about, in the movie, there's a group/organisation that allows the highest bidder to kill whomever they set as target victims. This movie saw 3 American college students being the victims while they are on holiday in Europe.

2 of my other friends casually mentioned they wouldn't even bother to go see it as it is a stupid horror film. And yeah, they were right. It was pretty stupid but not as gory as I expected it to be. The movie had nudity, lots of foul language flying here and there, sick people with twisted minds....it makes you wonder, what is this world coming to? Why do people have to inject F-words in every single sentence?

I give it a half a star

Making a difference

This week at work we've been having training on beverages from our "beverage specialist" from our Singapore office. I must say, that I was trying my best to pay attention but sometimes, I got kinda sleepy during his long long lectures. Luckily, his powerpoint slides (which he saved on soft copy for us and even printed out&bound) are quite detailed. He was a goofy kinda looking 40+ yr-old "professor", who explains stuff quite detailed, and when u ask him a question, his answer is so long, I can get lost.

It was great to have more people in the lab, made the lab livelier! But you know, at the end of Friday, I did feel a little sad that he would be leaving us. He was kinda funny sometimes, and quite passionate about sharing all his knowledge with us. He prepared so much, and wanted to help us in every way. He'd explain the calculations step by step, explaining why and how it would be like in real factory situations.

Even though I never want to be like him, but he definitely inspired me and he made me think about how important it was to appreciate people. I might never hear him explain all the stuff again, people don't stay around forever. And no matter how much we have any thoughts about anyone, we just don't realise how much they are worth in the sight of God. How much life they have, or what they've gone through in their life.

One of my uni friends just works 10 minutes away from me, and her boss's dad (who started her company) used to work at my company a long time ago. Guess what? He died on Thursday night from a stroke. He has been quite sickly and my friend just spoke to him on Thursday during the day when he came into the office. It was kinda sad, I felt shocked. She's talked about him before, and sometimes about his son or his wife who still wants to work in the accounts dept even though she can be quite hard to work with.

People can come and go. People we see everyday at work, whom we just walk past with a quick hello coz we're so busy and absorbed in what we have to do. People we deal with but don't really know much about.

Check this out: http://www.makeadifferencemovie.com/

I've read it before in a forwarded mail, but my friend's mum sent it again, and it was a good reminder. Everyone has so much potential in them, and by believing in them, it's amazing how much a difference you've made to their life and amazingly, how much they've taught you and made a difference in yours.

Can you make a difference to every person you meet? that's the challenge

go away self-pity

When self-pity comes over me like a stranger excluded, I'm so tempted to give in to a restroom intermission, to break out into moodlessness. But God's Word always humbles me on how I should behave. Putting off my old self to which I used to belong, and putting on the new self, seeking to be renewed, transformed, and changed. All by the grace and power and help of God!

So much to do rather than focus on self! So many other people to love and care for. A simple note, pick up the phone, an offer of help, a warm meal, so many things and people to think about...seriously, there is no time for boredom and complaints of nothing to do!

Dear God,

Thank you God for today. Please "let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and slander be put away from me, along with all malice. Being kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven me." (Eph 4: 31-32). Please help me to walk in a manner worthy of your calling. Amen.

Quotes of the day

"When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?" -- Sydney J. Harris


If you train your mind to search for the positive things about other people, you will be surprised at how many good things you can observe in them and comment upon.
Alan Loy Mcginnis
Writer and counselor

discovering skype

My whole evening today was spent mainly playing with Skype - just downloaded it for the first time.. I think I'm new-technology-challenged in things like PDA, other gadgets, i just don't keep up to date.

So since I'm on Skype now, I felt pretty excited about it and started making a lot of phone calls after topping up my credit. Called a couple of my good friends in SIngapore, called Linda Che in the Philippines who used to work for us a long time ago, and called all my family members except for my mum coz she's working.

It's so cool!!...and so convenient since I don't have a home phone.
yeah, i know i sound really backward hahah...anyways...

I really should do more calling instead of my dad calling me most of the time - and he does it mobile phone to mobile phone. And the urge to keep calling was this feeling in me how little contact I keep - if the relationship was really important to me, i should want to know how they're going! So, you reading my blog, thanks for reading, I'm sorry for the little contact I keep with you.

It was so good to chat to my really good friend, Kailing again too, I talked to her for close to 40 minutes. Just feel like I can call her anytime now, so easy! Spoke to my youngest brother for so long too, I wish I could do more for him, he seems so demotivated with his job, what he wants in life. And Linda Che said her daughter is so naughty, had to go to dentist too coz she eats too much junk but at least unlike me, she doesn't argue with the dentist. I was like...nooo...I didn't argue with the dentist! I think I told him I didn't want to see him. Don't really remember. But she was so surprised to hear from me...first time calling her. It was great to speak to her too!

=) more calling another day...

June already!

Music: 一秒的安慰

List down anything that has been on your mind for the past 24 hours.

A lot.

Work was busy.

But I thought again a lot about my 3 weeks in Taiwan last July. As I flip through my photos, can't believe it was 11 months ago that I did all that. Boy, how fast does time fly.

I just talked again to 詠誼(yong3 yi2), aka Lily, on MSN - I find it a bit difficult chatting to her there coz my chinese typing skills isn't that fantastic - but thank goodness for online chinese-english-chinese dictionaries haha. She is getting married next month too! thinking about her, I am just reminded how I so enjoyed my time in Taiwan and my time with her. She is my friend's (in Oz) best friend in Taiwan btw.

I really enjoyed the time I got to study mandarin there, hang out and go to places with my group of Aussie friends I went to Taiwan with and the time when our calligraphy teacher took us for dinner and even to her place outside Taipei (in the country). I don't think I would ever find satisfaction in an overseas trip that just involves seeing places only, not even like exploring the wondrous sights of that country - it would need this but that wouldn't be enough.

I miss my time there. She told me a lot of Taiwanese stuff and I was forced to speak in Mandarin to her the whole time, which was really good for me. We did simple stuff and it was great. Just going to her place, her friends' place, going to her uni, her school, meeting her little brother, eating different things, seeing the area where she lived, it was great. I learned a lot from her, not only Mandarin, but just who she is. She works as a social worker, she volunteers every Saturday at an Internet helpline (i nearly went there!! disappointed i couldn't make it in the end), and the care she shows her autistic brother and she trusted me enough to let me meet him. I went to his autistic school to pick him up with her, and finally she said I could come to her house even though she does not like to show people the conditions of her home, and does not want to cause any awkwardness that would be displayed by her brother's mannerisms. Met her every week, and twice or trice a week the last 2 weeks.

Outside a small museum where she tried her best to explain to me and where I used a lot of brain energy trying to understand the history she was telling me...felt I learned so much just on that day!

Lily helping me when I couldn't read some of the lyrics

Karaoke was fun =)

At the university she went to up in the mountains (Chinese Culture University)

Overlooking Taipei city (i wouldn't have bothered going up Taipei 101 if i knew about this place earlier!)

At Lily's and my friend's junior high school

Lily at front gate of high school

Lily with an administrative stuff (who used to be her classmate) and a teacher

I miss Taiwan .. =)

feel like a failure

Failure is like feedback.

But when you fail, it's hard to see that in the beginning. Or whatever positive talk people throw at you. Negative emotions are still kinda raw.

So, feel like a total failure now. Don't know how many times I have to face it this year. Guess I can get really hung up on failure sometimes. It helps me sympathise with people. Before when people tell me about their failures, I try to cheer them up but I don't truly understand how they feel, coz to be honest, I hardly failed at school, or really failed to the point of making me feel really down.

I don't want my friend to fail uni
i'll try to call her later to ask how she is

wish my mum was here

frustration

A friend sends me a msg and calls me at about 10 pm to borrow an assignment which is due the next day and which she hasn't started. I was out so I couldn't email it straight away.

This is like the 2nd time this semester for the same subject that i suddenly hear from her again and it's to ask for an assignment.

But this is not the only two times it's happened, it's happened before in other different situations in different ways which makes me frustrated. And she thinks i'm a nice person.

Seems easy....just give it to her...who cares? what's the big deal to help her out? Don't want her to still not graduate.....No one's going to find out, I know for sure. I don't care anyway what marks she gets or whatever, coz ultimately it doesn't matter. And she's got 2 presentations to prepare for or something.

I'm just annoyed now.

Everyday is a special day

Everyday, we wake up wishing we could sleep a little bit more (well, okay, I do anyway) but once I've reached the "I'm definitely awake stage", there's just so much to look forward to in the day!

There're responsibilities at work and it feels good when a job or project is submitted and completed, no matter how small or big, but the most satisfying times I think is getting to know people better. When you move from not much talk to sharing some life stories to actually feeling comfortable poking fun at someone and so on. Who knows where it will move to. There's so much joy when your try to fill your heart with laughter and love, your face with big smiles and your mouth with genuine friendliness and care --> something to aspire to do every day.

This Bible passage really hit me as we were reading it at church today:

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet,"and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. ~ Romans 13:8-10 (NIV)

It just hit me (even though i've read it before a number of times) that these commandments are all actually about loving OTHERS as how we love ourself. More an outward focus, rather than an inward focus.

I think I used to think more along the lines that those are God's commandments (imagine the 10 commandments one by one), and so we are to obey each one because He says so. Or the fact that we just don't want others to do the same to us. I knew at the back of my mind that we don't do these bad things coz we don't want to hurt others...but it just impacted me more today.

God is just so good and He teaches us everyday in unbelievable ways. He teaches us through everyone he puts in our path in different ways. Even through people who don't match our way of thinking, our ideals, our way of life. Today at church, a couple of friends presented to some of us how they would run kids church on the topic of God creating the whole world and everything in it and so, He is King of us all. Their efforts were amazing and I think if there were kids listening, they would have learned a lot, as I was reminded of a lot of things.

And my heart felt overwhelmed just now as a church friend was sharing her struggles with me and telling me some of the things she learned at church today. Life is not a bore at all and not mindless or purposeless which we try to fill by doing something to pass the time.

Everyday we can forget....but God is good to give us reminders.

My cousin has given birth!

Vanessa Mae Chambers was born on 22nd April 2007 at 2:20am, weighing 3.71kg, 54cm in length.

I think my cousin must be a big fan of Vanessa Mae and really like the sound of her name huh...heheh.....and I reckon that baby's eyes are kinda bluish-green from the original enlarged photo that my cousin emailed. Can't really see from the picture below. Her husband, Brian's eyes are also light blue btw

Cutie baby Vanessa sleeping

My aunty (her mum) can't believe she's a grandma now. I just went over to her place earlier and had dinner (she cooks so nice and simple..yum and even had some yummy apple crumble - mann...my stomach is seriously getting bigger that my appetite is increasing at an alarming rate , i'm serious , ...i think i will eat like an elephant if i ever get pregnant and will balloon like a marshmallow hahaha)...hahaha. Anywaysss....yeah shouldn't be talking about being fat...i know anyone reading this would be rolling their eyes at me.

Also, I passed my L computer test (for driving here in NSW) todayyy!! yayy hahah..not that it's a big deal coz it's not hard...but at least now i can drive even if someone with a full licence has to sit beside me. Next...book a driving exam. I'm going to go for at least 2 hours of driving lessons before that though just so that i can get official advice on how to drive properly here. It'll be nice to drive here, and i'll be able to drive people....instead of being driven all the time.

and finally...buy a car...i guess i could buy one already...

They grow up fast

Was talking to little SY on MSN - it's amazing how i'm moving on to the stage of being able to talk to her there now....And she's not even 12 yet

But i'm just shocked at the way she's typing now. Geez...

Her user name already goes something like this : "ur so cool dat peeps ditch u and say ur so freaken gay. " Some boy childishly rudely said something to her...

but anyways...did that really come out of her mouth? i wonder if she was quoting anything from those hip hop songs she listens to now. Her computer has these Gwen Stefani songs and she's singing along to them or other hip hoppy style and i'm like...woww..do kids nowadays listen to this type of music now? she uses other short forms... he thinks hes da best in da hol class. Wow...kids sure learn fast how to short cut their typing...she's a smarty pants this one.

I half stopped when she said "hell no"

and then completely stopped in my tracks when she said ' they r fuked up morons', OMFG

ahhhh

what is happening...does her mother know this??

But I must say that she is very bright and intelligent and always been affectionate and loving.

Different thoughts always gently sweep through my mind when i see different kids in different families, read magazines, books, tv etc...
I have yet to truly dwell on the thoughts ...but
it does come to mind on how best to raise the kids

It's so easy to say that yeah i'm going to do things differently

Pick the good bits here and there
but when reality hits, the challenge can seem like Mount Everest
However, everyone around us always teaches us
the people we want to follow and even the ones we don't want to
Yet, good examples are such a treasured blessing
Godly examples even more so...
For who to teach us to be better parents than God our Father

whom we ask to please change us first to be what He wants us to be, before we look to others for guidance and even to change others


And what better time to learn than now!

A Message by George Carlin

I've read this a number of times already ...all from forwarded emails i think. But I still quite like it coz it's so true

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that
we have taller buildings but shorter tempers,
wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smallerfamilies, more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense,
more knowledge, but less judgment,
more experts, yet more problems,
more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We've added years to life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
We conquered outer space but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever,
but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,
big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes....
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers,
throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies,
and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the
showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones,
because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe,
because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you,
because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones,
but most of all mean it.
A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.

Cute

From a forwarded email.

It's really late now - close to 4 am, haven't been up this late in ages. Today, I practically spent the whole day with my uni friends. We didn't even do anything substantial but just hang out at a picnic this afternoon and then some of us went to have dinner and then just hang out playing a board game and taboo till 1.40 am.

Playing these games is really fun and a great group activity I reckon. Next time when I have my own family in my own house, we'll have such games at home.

And i can't sleep now...too much tea and a cup of coffee. Thank goodness i'm not helping out at kids church tomorrow morning. Anyways, hope i don't waste the whole morning and early afternoon sleeping or doing nothing substantial.

okay, good night

after a long easter weekend

can't believe it's already April, huh?! i've been at my new company for 6 weeks now! work's really going okay and i find it all really interesting. I'll talk about it another time.

Anyways, another long easter weekend is over and just got back from our annual church camp Monday evening! Church camp was awesome. This is my 5th time, but honestly, I'm just starting to realise this year how much wisdom there is in God's word. I used to think a lot of things were stuff I keep on hearing every time. It's like, I'm not really learning anything new. But God's word is seriously powerful.

2 Timothy 3:15-16 ...the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteusness... (NIV).
I thought the explanation i heard below was pretty helpful:

The bible
1) Teaches us - instructs us towards knowing what the truth is
2) Rebukes us - tells us when we leave the truth
3) Corrects - tells us the way to go back to walking in the truth
4) Trains us in righteousness - helps and equips us to keep on walking in the truth we've been taught.

God's word humbles us and just shows us how sinful we are, how selfish we are, how we think we know how to run our own life when we really don't.

my bible study group this year at camp!

The theme this year at camp was "Love is...". We learned a lot on what love is as defined by God from the main talks and bible studies and there were other related topics during our elective sessions. The rest of the time, we ate and played games or sports, hung out and relaxed!

Anyway....on another unrelated note, I'm pretty excited today coz i checked my mailbox, and I received a CD of photos from Vignesh, my cousin's boyfriend who's in Sydney. Finally it arrived when he told me he sent them a couple of weeks ago!! My cousins (2 out of 3) and their parents were here visiting in February from Malaysia and I went out with them a few times.

Captain Cook cruise dinner

with my cousins: Deepa & Durga

u know, we got to eat free lunch at a Hindu temple

I always feel so tall standing next to my aunty hehee...

we love to pose...actually, Durga just told us to turn around

With the whole Siva family at Kiama minus the youngest cousin, Shakti

Trust God no matter what

Excerpt from The Purpose-Driven Life Devotional 2 April 2007 "The Holy One of Blessing",

"We worship God when we leave it up to him to interpret our circumstances. We worship God when we take the facts that we can see and offer them to the God-who-sees-all. We worship God when we allow him to define our lives and our purpose.

We worship God when we allow our heartache and our horrible circumstances to crowd us closer to the One who grieves with us because he loves us more than any other.

So what?

· Give your circumstances to God – God sees the big picture, so he is the best one to interpret your circumstances. He is in control of all things, even when it may not appear that way.

· Look for the blessing – When faced with heartache, ask God to show you the blessing, the dark treasures, hidden within. (Isaiah 45:3)

· Instead of asking, ‘Why is this happening to me?’ ask God, “What do you want me to do in this situation?”

· Pray: “Oh Holy One of Blessing, Your presence fills creation. Thank you for this day and for the simple blessings I so often overlook. You go before and behind, and I trust you to turn these circumstances into something that brings glory to you.” "

why not to eat beef

A friend recently told me the reason why she doesn't eat beef.

She once saw a cow, that was going to be slaughtered, shed tears. For the cow knew that its time was up.

Can you imagine that? I was expecting her to say she doesn't like the taste or she was a buddhist and never touched beef in her life or red meat is bad for you or something. But after hearing that, made me want to never eat beef again. Feel sorry for the cows...actually, makes you feel sorry for animals that we eat. Chicken killing at the markets already makes me sick.

Anyways...if you're wondering, i'm not turning vegetarian yet...

started new work already

New work has been okay. The Asia Pacific manager for our division was in Sydney so after first day of work, our division went lawn bowling and had a little competition. Won the loser's prize - a small trophy of a horse's arse - with my partner. Basically, the top 2 teams played against each other and the bottom 2 teams did likewise (which we were in). Anyway it was pretty fun! Maybe lawn bowling isn't that boring after all as I initially thought hehee.....After that, we just went for dinner, all paid for.

Anyway, I still miss my old workmates. It was like this phase of my life that I will always remember. I miss the familiarity and how I know how certain things are and those different people and how there would sometimes be different cakes or croissants or bread etc in the lunch room that we could take or different yummy foods in the lab thanks to our chef. Many a times, had to control myself haha... I'm so in love with the iced coffee he made for Christine on her birthday and my last day....woww...YUMMM..hhehe

On my last day, after work, went over to one of my workmate's place. I used to go over to her place once a week for awhile last year. Her mum is always so nice, and we helped prepare dinner and then we had dinner with her bro and his friend. And it was so funny how 3 of them started complaining and laughing about each other to us. Mum has to hide the biscuits coz bro is like a biscuit machine and bro gets so angry when he has to clean up the other sister's mess and starts banging things around to show he's angry blah blah blah and all these spanish words start flying around me coz the friend is actually in Australia to study english and mum is better at speaking spanish. After dinner and everything, my friend brought out her guitar to show what she'd been learning at guitar lessons and we ended up singing Christian songs together while she tried to play it. Her mum was sitting opposite knitting these little woollen jumpers for poor African children and also singing along sometimes. I just had such a great time...I think i really made 2 really good friendships at my old job. Her and my other married friend, J whom I stood next to for like 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. But there were other fantastic people too and i'll miss their teasing and talking. Just'll miss them.

Anyways...time to sleep now...brand new week at work tomorrow.

Write more another day...

LOVE

"Put love first. Entertain thoughts that give life and when a thought or resentment, or hurt, or fear comes your way, have another thought that is more powerful -- a thought that is love." -- Mary Manin Morrissey

"For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." -- Mother Teresa

"Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age." -- Jeanne Moreau

Happy coming CNY

Another 2 weeks at my current job, and I'll be moving to another job. I'm not feeling it yet, but i'm going to miss my workmates there. Today, my friend, Jenish and i were joking and bagging each other out so much. Laughed till we cried. Good that she worked those stomach muscles...only other form of exercise she gets besides volleyball sometimes every sunday and walking to the car. hahah =P

There's just some people that you can really laugh with until you cry, and not just call each other fat and stupid but talk serious stuff as well. Like my brothers who u know, are actually adopted (i'm only joking..) ...hahah i just remember that time back home recently when i was in my mum's room and C.Yung was there too with my mum and we were just bagging each other out so childishly with my mum looking on amusingly and wanting to laugh. I'd say something and laugh hysterically and then he'd try to counter it and vice versa.

Anyway, i don't even want to expect anything about my new job. I'm excited in a way, a little apprehensive about something but I think instead of not thinking about my new work and all, I'm going to start thinking how i'd like to approach my new position and my workmates. My technical manager was so kind to invite me to dinner yesterday with other people in our division (about 9 of us) and i hadn't even started working yet! It was just a social dinner outside work. But it was at this private shop kinda thing. You walk in and u see the kitchen and we sit at the big rectangular metal table there and that's it. Dinner was pretty goood (French chef) and it was nice to meet them even though i felt quiet. I think i'm a quiet person...maybe an ambivert (i think melissa, u talked about this word once huh? ) I was sitting right at the corner at the back and it's hard when people who are already familiar with each other get into their own conversations and u don't understand what they're talking about sometimes!

This year has just been one year so unexpected, and i don't know what i'm getting myself into at this new job, but just to trust God and ask Him to continually humble me and teach me not my ways, but His ways. Loving God, loving people.

Cool quotes

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
-Leo Tolstoy

What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God.
-A friend wrote this on MSN which I thought was really cool.


Been reading this on Ray's blog (look to the right)...not to plagiarise, but just wanted to put it here too.. =P Just thought it was an amazing piece of writing, inspiring, not sure where he got it from tho.

"Live. And Live Well. BREATHE. Breathe in and Breathe deeply. Be PRESENT. Do not be past. Do not be future. Be now. On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day, roll down the windows and FEEL the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of the sun. If you run, then allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE. Get knee-deep in a novel and LOSE track of time. If you bike, pedal HARD… and if you crash then crash well.

Feel the SATISFACTION of a job well done—a paper well-written, a project thoroughly completed, a play well-performed. If you must wipe the snot from your 3-year old’s nose, don’t be disgusted if the Kleenex didn’t catch it all… because soon he’ll be wiping his own. If you’ve recently experienced loss, then GRIEVE. And Grieve well. At the table with friends and family, LAUGH. If you’re eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke. And if you eat, then SMELL. The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven. And TASTE. Taste every ounce of flavor. Taste every ounce of friendship.

Taste every ounce of Life. Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift."

Friends always

When you are brought so low, the truth is unbelievable, the pain tears your heart apart. It's the most extreme shock ever experienced and you just don't know what to think. There is much sadness, much much more than anger. But amazingly, God brings us down to a level of humility and love for the other person when all we can do is ask Him for help.

Sincere love - what is it if not truly caring but demanding nothing in return.

On the day I received it from one, I had to learn to pass this gesture to another. It is so hard when it actually happens to you.

No matter what has happened, how can I hate? Forgiveness brings out the best in people rather than hating. Genuine acceptance brings a level of peace. I admire you for just the way you are, and I still thank God our paths crossed.

I never want to judge, do name calling or put you down in any way in front of any one. If ever I catch myself doing it, I will pray really hard to God about it!

Friends always.

Happy New Year =)

What do you say to a little one who tells u that a boy (around 12 yrs) who likes her told his lil' brother that he wants to do sex? And she hates boys, and so she found what he said utterly revolting. I gave her some "big sister" advice but not sure if it was appropriate for someone that age. But I definitely did not tell her to continue hating him ....

anyways..Been back in Sydney for 2 days now and started work today. AND I left my umbrella at the bench i was sitting on at the bus stop as I was waiting for the bus to work. Darn it... Really hate losing umbrellas.

I kinda miss home now and my family. I was kinda looking forward to come back to Sydney but as the days approached real soon to my departure, i wished i had another week in Msia. I was so slack in November and when December came, I had no time left, and I still had things to do and people to visit. With all the family problems as well, as all 5 of us got into the car to the airport, I felt really sad for leaving my family, leaving my grandma who said she would think of me in the morning as I flew off. I know my mum misses me, and I realised my dad too. I looked on at my dad standing there in the doorway and it made me so sad. (He didn't come as the car wouldn't fit all of us and my bags). He helped me pack the music keyboard so that I could bring it over (since it was just collecting dust at home), gave me vitamins and other things to bring over, gave me a hug as I was going to walk out the door. I felt a little annoyed when he was telling me what to do and this and that as he was packing the keyboard but yeah, that's just the way he is. I know he loves me. When I arrived in Australia, he sent me a message. "Daddy did not know you going off so soon, thought u leaving 3rd, wanted to hold dinner for u before u leave, anyway i will keep this treat for your next trip. We all miss u and keep in touch. happy NY and god bless u. Daddy." Kinda worried something will happen to him. He's got so many health problems and recently got diabetes. Heart +prostrate+ diabetes...don't know what the hell else.......

Anyways, ...honestly, i feel kinda alone now. I don't think I've ever come back to an empty house from overseas before. Been trying to call friends and stuff - wish though that I could just go downstairs and see my brothers or sister and start asking them stupid crazy questions about nothing at all.

" So, Yung, what does it mean when a guy does this to you? does it mean he likes you? " haahhaha.....and my stupid brother will say something stupid or sarcastic

Anyways...i'm tired now....early night tonight coz i couldn't sleep till late last night.

nite nite =)

Last day at work

It was my last day at work today. I must have been the least-stressed person there with the least amount of work. I am thankful to be working in a job that allows me to sit on my bum 8 hours a day and be nice to people on the phone and face to face.. hahahha . Actually...I think the Indonesian tea lady-cum-cleaner was the least stressed of all of us coz she doesn't have to deal with people. She is so nice, always brings me packeted water and today she made me a mug of teh tarik. She told me to call her when I'm back from Australia again =)

And all of them there think I'm still a student. They say I look young. I wasn't that flattered to hear that, to be honest. =P Must be my short hair or coz I couldn't be bothered to put on make-up, I don't know.

Anyway, it was pretty nice working there and pretty fun sometimes. I'll miss it a little. =)

More work

It's confirmed...i'm going to have to work this week. It's nice that tomorrow is a public holiday!! yipppeeeeeee.....coz it's the Sultan of Selangor's birthday (Selangor is the state I live in). Anyway i'm going to work 4 days this week and that's it. NO more. The lady I'm replacing is still on medical leave. After that, I have 2 weeks left of holidays and then I'm going back to Sydney on NYE coz i have to start work 2 days later...

Anyway, recent picture of my mum, sis and me:

Getting my mum to get in the photo was hard enough. She followed after her parent's weird superstition about not taking photos of only 3 people. Geez mann...it's always like this. How about if I want to take a photo with both my grandparents?? or if there were 3 kids in the family? Pretty illogical...anyway, i made her take the photo by throwing a bit of a fuss....it took me some effort just to put the camera in a nice position anyway!!

hahah...anywayss...i got the photo taken !! haha..

2nd day at work

Looks like I might have to come in to work next week too because the usual receptionist might not come in. But we'll see.... hoping they won't call me actually haha...I miss my holidays.

Today wasn't too bad. I'm getting used to picking up and transferring calls and getting to know who more people are. And today I brought a book to read. Other stuff to do when there is nothing to do is to read all the forwarded emails, daydream, just write stuff and do more thinking. The HR person who taught me stuff said i could pass my time by maybe reading the newspaper or something....u know lahh how to pass time, she said. And u know, now i understand why i've seen receptionists with magazines in their drawers or reading a book at their desk.

And yeah, it's nice to smile at the receptionist. ..and say hello or bye to them. A little friendliness is nice. Since yesterday, there were some people coming in for interviews for managerial positions as well. Chatted to one yesterday and this man who came late this morning, after his one hour interview suddenly came up and asked my name and thanked me. Maybe the MD was behind him ...but it was a nice gesture.

Anyway, here is a photo of me with Noni and Boe.

Yeah, Boe actually came into the house...my father must have let her in. But miraculously she didn't bite off the Christmas ball decorations.

Noni.

She was from my grandfather's and guess what...she has given birth to 10 puppies before. But I like her the best...she's so small and cute and she stands on her hind legs and licks you gently and she's nice to touch. Not so hairy and salivary. And she doesn't jump up you so crazily like Boe.

Temp job

Guess what? I started work today as a receptionist at EPSON (Japanese company making printers, cartridges, scanners etc). But only for 3 days....unless she calls me next week to come in again.

It's my first time being a receptionist....and....it was so boring, especially when I didn't have calls to answer. Getting used to the switch board and transferring calls to all these people wasn't boring ...it took some time. One person even called up wanting to make a complaint to the head of Sales, and when I told him I'd refer him to Customer Service, he was like, what's the point? If something doesn't happen, he's just going to call the police.

Anyway, it was okay....if I was a permanent long-term receptionist, I'd make a lot of effort to get to know everyone's names, but since I'm only working for a very short time, I don't really have to learn a whole heap of other stuff as well. At the food company I work at in Sydney, we have the bestest receptionist. Her name is Odette and she is such a sweet friendly lady. She knows allllll our names....even "lowly" casual workers like me and my friends and she learned how to pronounce my name correctly without even being taught by me. And she says hello Sze Wen to me everytime and smiles.

Hearing all these computer products and problems is also a new thing to me. I don't like all these computer technicalities very much....don't even know about them very much.

Anyway, it was an overall not too difficult job even though it was so so so boring at times. Every time I do an administration kinda job, it reminds me again why I don't want to work an office job. Looking at the people in there....I don't want to work like that either...

okay...gotta jet...meeting Robyn, my roomate in Taiwan...she's here in KL!!

Eckankar

Last Sunday, just followed my mum after church to have lunch with a couple of her friends. I learned of a new spiritual group one friend is a part of. It's called Eckankar(http://www.eckankar.org/)

Sounded strange. I think I'm surrounded by and hear mostly about the major religions in the world and sometimes about the smaller sects but not much. So when she said she just went to Singapore for such a spiritual conference, it was a surprise. She says that her parents are a part of the movement too, that's how she got in it. And she's done a lot of personal research herself and has found it to make a lot of sense. It has opened her mind to how she sees the world.

Some of us can say that about the belief we follow too, huh? We strongly believe where we stand but let me ask:

- do we believe because we had some kind of spiritual experience?
- do we believe because some people showed us so much love and we were attracted to this aspect and decided to follow their faith?

If some people of another religion had shown us this love, would we have followed this religion instead? or if our parents grew up in another religion?
Or if we attended a conference of Eckankar and experienced some kinda revolutionary enlightenment?

So, what can make us decide among religions? Everybody will come up with reasonings or evidence. Which evidence seems more rational? Have we inspected the evidence? Are we also being judgmental? By just inspecting our evidence but not considering the reasonings of others? And if we have no religion...have we inspected the evidence?

And not comparing and seeing which suits our life and our view of the world. BUT which is the truth.

Boe

Isn't Boe a cutie? she's a German Shepherd, born on June 2006.

Boe playing with Marshall (the older German Shepherd). She was so small when she first came, my dad could hold her up in one hand.

BUT....look at her now..

I swear that's her. She's so big already huh? But she isn't as big as Marshall, of course. Boe & Marshall sleeping outside.

When I came back to KL, she was already big....And if you think she's a nice quiet obedient doggy, think again. In my brother's words...she is "playful". She jumps up so much and when i first came back, used to want to bite my ankles. She bites almost everything, even pulled down my mum's clothes (which was being hung up to dry). She has already ripped apart her tennis ball, have to give her another one now.

she is a naughtyyyy dogggyyyyyyy....needs some major discipline.

My dad allows her in the house...When she started biting the pillows, i really had to pull them away and beat her with them if she proceeded on doing the same thing. I haven't shown my mum these photos...she'll probably go ballistic. She already gets cranky over Boe. Plus she doesn't like dogs in the house.

And we just put up our Christmas tree. Fe said that when Boe comes in to the house and sees the ornaments on the tree, especially the shiny metal balls, she's going to go "..ahhhh...more balls to play with now!!"....hahah..and then my brother will go ballistic. He bought a new set of pretty pink ornaments a couple of years ago which cost A LOT.

Somebody better not let Boe in the house..

:P

Movie: "I Not Stupid"

Last year, I watched the first movie (I think made in 2002) and I just recently finished watched the second movie. They're not related but the ultimate aim of the stories is the same.

The movie looks at how Singaporean families are like these days.

For eg., the rich family. Both parents are career people and because of that, their children are neglected. They spend more time at work, and they get easily frustrated with their children.

Anyway, I found the movies so funny at times, and also so sad at times. The parents love their children but they show it in different ways, ways that can be so detrimental. It made me feel for the poor kids, and tell myself I never want to be that kinda parent.

But it's always the case that we see that we don't want to be like that, or we're not like that. But when we examine ourselves, we are actually treating our kids in a similar way.

Great movie.!! i loved it :)

and it doesn't just reflect how some Singaporean families are like, but also how a lot of Asian families are like these days.

It rains everyday

Can you believe that?

it just started raining. Time now: 2.45 pm

THe sky is grey and gloomy and crying its eyes out.
And last Friday, our phone line (which is used for the Internet and fax machine) got cut off coz of the thunderstorm.

Rain...rain, when will u go away...

about a cow

My brother is funny.

On the back pages of my diary, i write sometimes things I have to do for the day/week. And so I opened it 2 days ago and there i saw something that wasn't my writing.

3. Jump off the KL tower on 31/12/2006 at 11.59 pm. Remember to leave all belongings/money etc to (him).

Or something along those lines. That cow...

And yesterday morning, I was beside him on his bed and he asked me to pass him his h.p. I thought it was his HP Compaq laptop on the chair...and so i just said it was too heavy. WHy u need it for? Get it yourself! and then he said...my handphone lahh.

OHHHhh.....geez ...only eksi (arrogant) people talk in abbreviations mann...

anyway i found this very funny hahah

I've been going to the gym lately as well with my dad!! Actually, I've only been twice. But since I got a one-week free trial, I'll try to do go everyday or almost everyday. THe people there seriously go all out to try to get you to sign up as a member. But anyway,i think it's way too expensive. Hmm..or i might just join for a month...i'll see. Afterwards, I'm going again but this time, i want to go for the classes. My legs are still a little bit sore from yesterday...that's what I get for not having done any exercise lately....laziness to the core...

Joni, i hold u as my inspiration to going to the gym...:D
and as a form of encouragement to get my dad to go...he is way too fat and his stomach is way too big....

rain rain everyday

Okay sorry for the previous whinging post... i usually regret public whinges

Anyway, it's been raining here everyday since I got back seriously. Today it rained for a bit in the afternoon at about 1 pm, and then it rained again at about 5 pm... but it's made the weather cool and it isn't too hot. My brothers are going to start work soon. They're in the process of deciding which jobs to take and further job interviews.

I am thinking of going back to Sydney after Christmas but I might go back earlier if I am required to. Seems like a long way away. I'm looking forward to this Medic Camp organised by a few Rotarian clubs in a Tamil Primary School at the end of November. My mum is part of the Rotary Club now, and I just followed her to their breakfast meeting last Saturday. Basically, the medic camp involves giving medical check-ups to kids including dental checkups, blood checks and we even have a physiotherapist at hand. So, I'll be accompanying my mum to help out with stuff there.

okay time for bed now...nite nite
:)

time is passing so slow

feeling kinda down now...

and a lot of things here are irritating me...i feel like i'm shrivelling down into a sinking abyss of godlessness..and i'm part of that what with my impatience..

can't stand all the talk about business, money is important, make friends to see what we can gain, and all that bullcrap. Something is so wrong about all that talk, and how this world is becoming. I'm disagreeing with it but at the same time, getting so annoyed and wishing i don't have to deal with all this...Getting annoyed with how some ppl talk..even if it's not about business.

Yes, yes money is important...i'm probably stupid for being a rebel. I'm not an open rebel..i'll just listen and keep quiet and not burst out too much.. coz it doesnt mean my opinions are right.

I think that's one of the reasons i'm doing in australia...running away from these issues and other stupid problems i can't stand. The more i'm here, the angrier i become....or usually, i just switch off.. When I'm in Australia, i feel bad coz i'm not here but once I'm here, i wish i was back... away and independent. I wish life was simpler, easy and I didn't have to talk money and politics and other intellectual stuff and important necessary stuff.

But anyway, lest you think i'm really angry, and everything is getting on my impatient nerves, that's not the case all the time.

Yesterday night, I followed my uncle to send my maternal grandparents off to the airport as they were going on a holiday to Australia (Melbourne, Brisbane and Sydney) to visit their children and grandchildren. Everytime I see them, my chinese deteriorates even more before i meet them and when i speak to them, i tell myself i should spend more time with them so my Hakka could improve. My uncle took me home after that and we spoke all the way. We have never talked like that ever before. He used to monkey around with us sometimes when we were younger but then after awhile, our relationship changed and we didn't even speak. He even gave me his wife's mobile number so I could call her and visit her and my little cousins.

I'll do that...i'd like to spend more time with my family and relatives this time round. I haven't even called any of my friends.

Back in Malaysia

Everything's like back to normal. My grandfather's house as well....thank goodness, they took pictures, so i could see how it was like. My cousin told me most of what's been happening and it was pretty scary mostly, to hear about Ah Kong's condition. Seeing some of his things in his room made me feel sad. His clothes, medicine, toiletries...and my grandmother looks thinner than ever. I can feel her bony pelvic, arms and legs...pretty scary.

His ashes were thrown into the sea on SUnday morning, and unfortunately, i think i was somewhere above the north part of Australia.

Anyway, i just got back from melaka with my brothers. My sister drove us down there yesterday evening as she is studying there. It's about 2 + hours away by car. Then we drove back up today without her.

So, everything's okay...no worries! :)

Teoh Bian Lee (9/2/1925-2/11/2006)

dear everyone,

I'll be going back to Malaysia this Sunday. My grandfather just passed away Thursday morning at 8 am in the nursing home he has been at since the 2 operations he had over a couple of months ago. My dad said he woke up, asked for his Milo, asked for a shower, asked for a clean shirt. They turned him over, he took his last breath and he died. So it was a peaceful death. My dad was at the police station when I called him, getting clearance to get Ah Kong's body out of the nursing home. He sounded calm as usual but towards the end when I asked him how he was, whether he was okay, he didn't really answer me. My bro told me that when my dad got the news in the morning, he rushed up to tell my bro who had just gotten out of the shower and his face was red. My dad doesn't show much emotion but I know he's broken inside. When I first left for Australia, Ah Kong was crying, i was crying, my mum was crying...and i thought my dad wasn't. But when I hugged him, I heard this choking sound and i knew he was sad.

I was at work when I got the call. Just got back from lunch outside with my workmates. I saw "Private Call", and it was my bro. He was calling from his mobile phone (and i'm sure he's on Prepaid), and i was wondering why. And he said he was about to go for an interview. ANd I thought, wow..he must have something serious to tell me to be calling me at that time. But I didn't expect that.

I'm actually missing the memorial as I write this. Ah Kong...his body is lying in a coffin in his house and i know people are coming to see him. My maternal grandparents are also coming. TOmorrow's the funeral and then, he's going to be cremated as he wished. But i'm not going to be able to ever see his body ever again physically. I wished I could have gotten an earlier flight, i should have just taken a damn bus back from Singapore instead of waiting for a better connecting flight.

anywayyssss

i'm okay, so don't worry. Doesn't seem real...

too many deaths this year

november already!

hey everyone, long time no post. Feels like I'm about to write an email hahaha..

It's my brothers' birthday today!! no wait, actually it was yesterday (40 minutes ago as I write this). They're 22 ...this is a reminder to myself to send them an sms later to wish them. I wished they'd come online so I can voice chat with them!! Last spoke to one of my brothers about a week ago. They're attending job interviews now in M'sia.

Today was an amazing day!! Still working at the food laboratory Mondays to Fridays. Still looking for a more challenging job but it's been such great fun working there. Sometimes, i'm just laughing so much with some of my workmates till my guts ache and tears flow hahaha. Anyway, what's been particularly different is hanging out with one of my workmates who is a Seventh-Day Adventist. If you don't know what this is, it's another Christian denomination, some people say otherwise but to me, they're Christian. I've been following her every Wednesday for over a month now after work to her church for this hourly program going on there. It starts at about 7.30 pm, so we go back to her place first. I've really enjoyed spending time with her and it's been an eye-opening experience learning more about the SDA. Today, one of our other friends came and we just hung out till the church program started...it was really fun. He's a passionate Hillsong church-goer (Pentecostal), and she's a passionate SDA. No matter our differences, they have really encouraged me in a lot of ways at work by their speech, love for God and people and the sincerity of their hearts.

Feels like i'm going through another phase of my life at my current workplace coz they're the people I see almost everyday.

anyways...heading to bed now...zzzz...good nite!!!

=D

Oh what?!?

geeeezzz I can't believe Bobby Flynn has been kicked out of Australian Idol!!!

whatt????

yes, I follow Australian Idol...I don't get to watch it every week, like the recent one that passed. Honestly, I also think it's stupid in a way.

BUT i really liked Bobby Flynn...always loved it when he came up to sing!!! really did. He's so unique and original. And just so real. You could tell his sincerity and the fact that winning Idol is not what he's there for. He's the only contestant I've really truly enjoyed watching so far.

it's a sad day. I thought he'd make it all the way, or if not, to the final 2 at least. Now I think Jessica Mauboy is going to win. She's got an awesome voice.

Better future?

When I go back to Malaysia or just meet some Malaysians here or wherever, they just go on talking about how conditions back in Msia are not good and there's just no future. Over here, things are better, no racial bias like there, better education, pension, salary, work conditions etc. My former neighbours told me today how so many people just want to come over here for a better life. There's just no future in M'sia.

Someone told me he wouldn't want to raise his kids in Msia. Kids who'd grow up and hang out by going shopping or to karaoke. His perception of settling down in this place out of M'sia was not for a better financial future but i guess for his kids to realise "what life and living in this world truly is about"....i suppose he can't stand the M'sian mentality of everything and our living in this brickworld.

What can I say? I think I'm just fortunate to have been able to come to Australia to see, hear and talk to different people with different perspectives and yeah, it's a great country, like my 2nd home. But Malaysia is a beautiful country as well and I'm just really proud of being Malaysian, even though what I know of it is not very much. It hits me sometimes...what's my focus of getting out of M'sia? it is for my future? for my life whatever life means to ME? for the future of MY kids?

What's life really about anyway? to live and be happy?

I was watching "The Apprentice" just now on tv. Honestly, I find watching it fun and entertaining but it's always all about winning to the extent of speaking upwards about oneself and dissing someone who does a bad job. People just care for themselves and pleasing and sucking up to people they need to please.

So stupid. I'd never want to be on any show like the Apprentice.

Finally!!

yayy....I'm finally a Permanent Resident of Australia as of today. To be honest, feels not much different. I'll have to go get the new visa label from Immigration, I think and I'm not sure what to do after that.

anyway, i'll email to tell my family now..

=)

Goodbye

When I walk into the old familiar place,
I see emptiness
why is it so bare?
But memories I see
Memories I hear
The walls speak out to me as I walk past
Perhaps he is watching a movie on his computer
or sleeping his tiredness away.

My room is empty
How can I not sleep there again?
Goodbye you, and you and you
To the laundry room downstairs as well
How can I not come here again?
or open the mailbox again?
or get off the bus at the same place?

I'm sorry I didn't take care of you properly

Goodbye...i'll miss u.

Do Not Worry

Just been reading these verses. They're one of my favourite passages.

Matthew 6:25-34

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

almost goodbye

ok, i'm moving tomorrow!! but i don't have to officially hand over my keys till saturday....but I have to pack almost everything by early tomorrow morning. I'll spend the rest of the days till Saturday doing cleaning when I can...

...and that's the plan!

sounds organised but it's an illusion....really.

Random thoughts for the day

Everyone, don't eat those cheap "sausage" rolls and meat pies again. They are really crap. My workmate was making the filling up (just mixing different powdered ingredients and stuff) and I don't even see any form of meat in the recipe. Anyway, just looking at what I make up everyday, i see the stuff i put into any food product and seriously, the amount of sugar, or salt or other phosphates, and acids i put in and other stuff u put in to stabilise the food amongst the normal flour, spices and herbs. All the sweet products we make up like cake mixes have just over 50% sugar, i swear. We could just die of diabetes. I guess the cakes and sweet stuff we bake at home have a lot of sugar too....it just didn't seem taht obvious to me then.

Fake and unhealthy. Being a food technologist in that kinda food line, I feel it's kinda ..."unpurposeful".

anyway, i shouldn't be saying this coz eating a little bit of processed food here and there hasn't killed most of us, huh. People are still alive! Processed food has helped feed a lot of people in varied situations. What would u do without them? You'd have to make fresh pasta and how are u going to get your baked beans? or cereal, tomato pastes, cheese etc But since my brothers have left, I'm trying to finish most of my processed food. I'm not going to buy much of these anymore. Recently, I've only been buying fresh fruits and vegetables to eat. They're so much cheaper and healthier. I don't intend on buying any more meat to cook and eat unless i have to do it for someone else or unless i go out to eat. Well, maybe canned tuna, maybe. I just don't care to buy meat anymore now that my brothers aren't here.

I'm not really a health freak but i see the importance of eating healthier stuff. Not that i'm going to buy expensive organic healthy stuff from the supermarket. I'm still a cheapo but not so cheapo to buy really crappy stuff. I still can eat a lot of processed crap, i don't mind but for now, i'm going to be a rabbit and eat sliced carrots, lettuce and cucumber for lunch.

Ok, not always :P

hahah my mum is funny....

"Funny thing is I do feel a very small part of my life [ie, that part when I spent a short stay at the apartment] has been whizzed away by the couple who bought your stuff [especially the fridge - I was 'interacting' with it for whole 2 weeks]. "

i didn't feel as sentimental as her, but like her, i did like the fridge. But glad the burden of carrying those heavy stuff has been taken of me!

Home alone

Before anyone thinks i'm all lonely and stuff...I'm okay :)

My brothers left a couple of days ago and surprisingly, I didn't feel as crap as I thought I would be. I think coz this is the 2nd time they've left me by myself and I had PR stuff to sort out with my aunt right after they left and i've got all our junk to move out and other things in my mind. I'm definitely moving out...gotta get out here in about 2 weeks. I'm not sure where I'm moving yet...my mum was like..what?? hahha

Someone is coming tomorrow to buy some of our big furniture like my brothers' beds, sofa, study table etc ...and my fridge...oh, my big fridge. Oh well, at least i won't have to figure out a way to carry it down later on. So, I'll have to try to finish up all the food that needs to be refrigerated or do something with it.

My brothers helped me a lot especially to pack stuff in boxes. It's my fault we didn't move earlier. But it's okay....everything will be taken care of! My room is in a total mess, like a typhoon.

I cleaned up my brothers' room yesterday and tried to make the stuff we wanted to sell look presentable..They don't have much stuff unlike me....i like to hoard, can't bear to throw out some stuff but some will have to go..

Anyway , back to more cleaning and packing...