feel like a failure

Failure is like feedback.

But when you fail, it's hard to see that in the beginning. Or whatever positive talk people throw at you. Negative emotions are still kinda raw.

So, feel like a total failure now. Don't know how many times I have to face it this year. Guess I can get really hung up on failure sometimes. It helps me sympathise with people. Before when people tell me about their failures, I try to cheer them up but I don't truly understand how they feel, coz to be honest, I hardly failed at school, or really failed to the point of making me feel really down.

I don't want my friend to fail uni
i'll try to call her later to ask how she is

wish my mum was here

frustration

A friend sends me a msg and calls me at about 10 pm to borrow an assignment which is due the next day and which she hasn't started. I was out so I couldn't email it straight away.

This is like the 2nd time this semester for the same subject that i suddenly hear from her again and it's to ask for an assignment.

But this is not the only two times it's happened, it's happened before in other different situations in different ways which makes me frustrated. And she thinks i'm a nice person.

Seems easy....just give it to her...who cares? what's the big deal to help her out? Don't want her to still not graduate.....No one's going to find out, I know for sure. I don't care anyway what marks she gets or whatever, coz ultimately it doesn't matter. And she's got 2 presentations to prepare for or something.

I'm just annoyed now.

Everyday is a special day

Everyday, we wake up wishing we could sleep a little bit more (well, okay, I do anyway) but once I've reached the "I'm definitely awake stage", there's just so much to look forward to in the day!

There're responsibilities at work and it feels good when a job or project is submitted and completed, no matter how small or big, but the most satisfying times I think is getting to know people better. When you move from not much talk to sharing some life stories to actually feeling comfortable poking fun at someone and so on. Who knows where it will move to. There's so much joy when your try to fill your heart with laughter and love, your face with big smiles and your mouth with genuine friendliness and care --> something to aspire to do every day.

This Bible passage really hit me as we were reading it at church today:

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet,"and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. ~ Romans 13:8-10 (NIV)

It just hit me (even though i've read it before a number of times) that these commandments are all actually about loving OTHERS as how we love ourself. More an outward focus, rather than an inward focus.

I think I used to think more along the lines that those are God's commandments (imagine the 10 commandments one by one), and so we are to obey each one because He says so. Or the fact that we just don't want others to do the same to us. I knew at the back of my mind that we don't do these bad things coz we don't want to hurt others...but it just impacted me more today.

God is just so good and He teaches us everyday in unbelievable ways. He teaches us through everyone he puts in our path in different ways. Even through people who don't match our way of thinking, our ideals, our way of life. Today at church, a couple of friends presented to some of us how they would run kids church on the topic of God creating the whole world and everything in it and so, He is King of us all. Their efforts were amazing and I think if there were kids listening, they would have learned a lot, as I was reminded of a lot of things.

And my heart felt overwhelmed just now as a church friend was sharing her struggles with me and telling me some of the things she learned at church today. Life is not a bore at all and not mindless or purposeless which we try to fill by doing something to pass the time.

Everyday we can forget....but God is good to give us reminders.