Leaving for Brisbane tomorrow evening

It's weird. I was really looking forward to going on holiday (ie. leaving Sydney)...but now, at this moment (Whereby tomorrow i'm leaving for Brisbane), I wish I had more time in Sydney. It's just that i have so much "stuff" to do - if only i was more organised and disciplined- and these people start coming into my life, or existing ppl, and i wish i could spend more time with them over the summer.

Complains complains..haha..

Simple roast dinner & pawpaw salad with my aunty this evening which she cooked.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Don't let the sun go down on your anger..

Anger is a terrible thing. I wish one day, I would not get so upset about things that are really no big deal, in the end....coz it really doesn't matter, does it?

This time, i'm really fuming over being EXCESSIVELY charged for a fused light bulb in my unit by my former real estate agent due to an electrician being called. I was really mad, i even spoke to someone at NSW Fair Trading. My aunt helped to dictate an email I'm going to send out to the agent, I'm kinda half way writing it. I would seriously rather spend that money on buying stuff for people or just donating it to worthwhile stuff.

sighhhhhhh....
anger reallly brings out the evil in me

I guess to some people, they'd just pay it, who cares....But i care. I don't spend money like water, and Weihseun knows it, she thinks i hold on to my money too tight, and my dad thinks so too. But you'd be glad to know that i've changed...honest! but of course i'm still not that "loose" with it. So, besides having to pay that and a parking fine a month ago, this was really getting on my nerves.

Ahhh... i really don't want to sound negative and whinging, but i'm sorry, just in a whinging mood now.

On a happy note, my mum called me just now. She reminded me to call Argyle, the nice old man and wish him a merry christmas. For his age, he is so jovial and happy about life, not complaining, doesn't focus on his health problems or anything, and so helpful and concerned for other people. I want to be like that and not bitter and angry with life, and worse still, to grow into a grumply old bitter woman. Have you ever seen people like that? I saw that sometimes when I used to work at the supermarket. It's kinda shocking when senior people start complaining and cursing. But old people who are smiling, polite and who are interested to ask about you - they're a joy to be around. To be truly joyful and feel blessed by anything that God puts in our pathway - people like that are amazing. Becky, an amazing lovely sister in Christ, sent out an email today to tell us she's back from the Philippines where she was doing part of her PhD research for a month. She is like that, just one of a kind. Her love for God and people is just so vividly expressed in every aspect of her being.

Anyway, I had more thoughts about other things...but another day.
Continuing on with my letter....

I hate conflicts

A good day had to end with such a sour note - seriously spoiled my whole day. Bad thoughts went through my mind on how I should have told her off then in front of everyone and what words I would have used. If my siblings were around, I'd share with them my grievances and they would have surely been on my side. This is the 2nd time I'm facing such treatment from her for what i've supposedly done or not done, and the hurtful thing is her ignoring me, even my simple question on what movie she watched today and shirking away from me like I'm some kinda disease.

A few years ago, we had a big argument session. Today I just left it after a few words to clarify my stance but that was that. I just ignored her for the next 10 minutes until I had to leave. I totally didn't feel like talking anymore to anyone, in the car or back at the house - it was hurtful and i was seriously getting really pissed off.

I've been reading this book and i actually just read this part earlier today about conflict:

Absence of conflict in a relationship isn't necessarily a good sign and that two people are getting along. The reason they never fight is because they never really talked.

10 tips of communication that can help when experiencing conflict in a relationship:

1. Learn to express your feelings and frustrations honestly, but without accusing or attacking the other person.

2. Choose words, expressions and a tone of voice that are kind and gentle. Don't use speech that could easily offend or spark an argument.

3. Don't exaggerate, distort or stretch the truth. Avoid extreme words like never and always.

4. Give actual and specific examples. If necessary, make notes before you communicate. Stay away from generalities.

5. Commit yourself to seeking solutions instead of airing your grievances. Getting even isn't your goal - you want to get things resolved.

6. Listen to what the other person is saying, feeling, and needing. Try to detect his or her underlying concerns.

7. Refuse to indulge bitterness, anger, withdrawal , or argument. Though these emotions are normal, indulging them is sin.

8. Don't hesitate to acknowledge your own failure, and be quick to forgive the other person. Make sure you don't hold a grudge.

9. Keep talking and asking questions until you are sure that you both understand clearly what the other is saying and feeling. Encourage each other as you press toward a solution.

10. Train your mouth and heart until you can say the right thing at the right time in the right way for the right reasons.

"Our goal shouldn't be to avoid conflict, but to learn to work through it and resolve it in a way that honours God."

The book is about relationships but when i read that part again after I got home tonight, I know in my heart that when I had been thinking how i should tell her off, that i was wanting to accuse her and I wanted to get even and I was definitely indulging in anger and argument. My usual tendency is to avoid conflicts as best as I can, but when it happens, i tend to not really resolve it by proper communication and after awhile, not caring anymore and in the end, just ignoring and avoiding the person.

I think time to cool off is great and to think through a better approach and to ask for God's help to humbly and lovingly resolve it. Still a bit "heated" but much "cooler" now than before.

Oh, according to my previous post, I have been trying to read that book by Tozer. I did read it a bit but it's quite a difficult read (for me anyway) so I took a break by reading another book. I'm not leaving it completely behind...

"The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer

Found this book among my aunt's possessions.

At the back, J.I Packer writes "Through all of Tozer's books and articles there shines a passion for God that puts our shallowness to shame, and reading him is like drinking at an oasis in the desert." Now, I think J.I. Packer is such a great writer and thinker, so not knowing what this book is really about, I just started reading more of what the back cover said and the foreword, preface etc.

From the preface he writes " Sound Bible exposition is an imperative must in the Church of the Living God. Without it no church can be a New Testament church in any strict meaning of that term. But exposition may be carried on in such a way as to leave the hearers devoid of any true spiritual nourishment whatever. For it is not mere words that nourish the soul, but God himself, and unless and until the hearers find God in personal experience they are not the better for having heard the truth. The Bible is not the end in itself but a means to bring men to an intimate and satisfying knowledge of God, that they may enter into Him, that they may delight in His presence, may taste and know the inner sweetness of the very God Himself in the core and center of their hearts."

I googled him up and the following is taken from Wikipedia:

"In 1950, Tozer was elected editor of the Alliance Weekly magazine, now called, Alliance Life, the official publication of the C&MA. From his first editorial, dated June 3, 1950, he wrote "It will cost something to walk slow in the parade of the ages, while excited men of time rush about confusing motion with progress. But it will pay in the long run and the true Christian is not much interested in anything short of that."

Living a simple and non-materialistic lifestyle, he and his wife, Ada Cecelia Pfautz, never owned a car, preferring bus and train travel. Even after becoming a well-known Christian author, Tozer signed away much of his royalties to those who were in need.

Prayer was of vital personal importance for Tozer. "His preaching as well as his writings were but extensions of his prayer life", comments his biographer, James L. Snyder in the book, In Pursuit of God: The Life Of A.W. Tozer. "He had the ability to make his listeners face themselves in the light of what God was saying to them", writes Snyder. "

Going to start reading this book now, looking forward to what Tozer has to say.