I hate conflicts

A good day had to end with such a sour note - seriously spoiled my whole day. Bad thoughts went through my mind on how I should have told her off then in front of everyone and what words I would have used. If my siblings were around, I'd share with them my grievances and they would have surely been on my side. This is the 2nd time I'm facing such treatment from her for what i've supposedly done or not done, and the hurtful thing is her ignoring me, even my simple question on what movie she watched today and shirking away from me like I'm some kinda disease.

A few years ago, we had a big argument session. Today I just left it after a few words to clarify my stance but that was that. I just ignored her for the next 10 minutes until I had to leave. I totally didn't feel like talking anymore to anyone, in the car or back at the house - it was hurtful and i was seriously getting really pissed off.

I've been reading this book and i actually just read this part earlier today about conflict:

Absence of conflict in a relationship isn't necessarily a good sign and that two people are getting along. The reason they never fight is because they never really talked.

10 tips of communication that can help when experiencing conflict in a relationship:

1. Learn to express your feelings and frustrations honestly, but without accusing or attacking the other person.

2. Choose words, expressions and a tone of voice that are kind and gentle. Don't use speech that could easily offend or spark an argument.

3. Don't exaggerate, distort or stretch the truth. Avoid extreme words like never and always.

4. Give actual and specific examples. If necessary, make notes before you communicate. Stay away from generalities.

5. Commit yourself to seeking solutions instead of airing your grievances. Getting even isn't your goal - you want to get things resolved.

6. Listen to what the other person is saying, feeling, and needing. Try to detect his or her underlying concerns.

7. Refuse to indulge bitterness, anger, withdrawal , or argument. Though these emotions are normal, indulging them is sin.

8. Don't hesitate to acknowledge your own failure, and be quick to forgive the other person. Make sure you don't hold a grudge.

9. Keep talking and asking questions until you are sure that you both understand clearly what the other is saying and feeling. Encourage each other as you press toward a solution.

10. Train your mouth and heart until you can say the right thing at the right time in the right way for the right reasons.

"Our goal shouldn't be to avoid conflict, but to learn to work through it and resolve it in a way that honours God."

The book is about relationships but when i read that part again after I got home tonight, I know in my heart that when I had been thinking how i should tell her off, that i was wanting to accuse her and I wanted to get even and I was definitely indulging in anger and argument. My usual tendency is to avoid conflicts as best as I can, but when it happens, i tend to not really resolve it by proper communication and after awhile, not caring anymore and in the end, just ignoring and avoiding the person.

I think time to cool off is great and to think through a better approach and to ask for God's help to humbly and lovingly resolve it. Still a bit "heated" but much "cooler" now than before.

Oh, according to my previous post, I have been trying to read that book by Tozer. I did read it a bit but it's quite a difficult read (for me anyway) so I took a break by reading another book. I'm not leaving it completely behind...