Goodbye

When I walk into the old familiar place,
I see emptiness
why is it so bare?
But memories I see
Memories I hear
The walls speak out to me as I walk past
Perhaps he is watching a movie on his computer
or sleeping his tiredness away.

My room is empty
How can I not sleep there again?
Goodbye you, and you and you
To the laundry room downstairs as well
How can I not come here again?
or open the mailbox again?
or get off the bus at the same place?

I'm sorry I didn't take care of you properly

Goodbye...i'll miss u.

Do Not Worry

Just been reading these verses. They're one of my favourite passages.

Matthew 6:25-34

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

almost goodbye

ok, i'm moving tomorrow!! but i don't have to officially hand over my keys till saturday....but I have to pack almost everything by early tomorrow morning. I'll spend the rest of the days till Saturday doing cleaning when I can...

...and that's the plan!

sounds organised but it's an illusion....really.

Random thoughts for the day

Everyone, don't eat those cheap "sausage" rolls and meat pies again. They are really crap. My workmate was making the filling up (just mixing different powdered ingredients and stuff) and I don't even see any form of meat in the recipe. Anyway, just looking at what I make up everyday, i see the stuff i put into any food product and seriously, the amount of sugar, or salt or other phosphates, and acids i put in and other stuff u put in to stabilise the food amongst the normal flour, spices and herbs. All the sweet products we make up like cake mixes have just over 50% sugar, i swear. We could just die of diabetes. I guess the cakes and sweet stuff we bake at home have a lot of sugar too....it just didn't seem taht obvious to me then.

Fake and unhealthy. Being a food technologist in that kinda food line, I feel it's kinda ..."unpurposeful".

anyway, i shouldn't be saying this coz eating a little bit of processed food here and there hasn't killed most of us, huh. People are still alive! Processed food has helped feed a lot of people in varied situations. What would u do without them? You'd have to make fresh pasta and how are u going to get your baked beans? or cereal, tomato pastes, cheese etc But since my brothers have left, I'm trying to finish most of my processed food. I'm not going to buy much of these anymore. Recently, I've only been buying fresh fruits and vegetables to eat. They're so much cheaper and healthier. I don't intend on buying any more meat to cook and eat unless i have to do it for someone else or unless i go out to eat. Well, maybe canned tuna, maybe. I just don't care to buy meat anymore now that my brothers aren't here.

I'm not really a health freak but i see the importance of eating healthier stuff. Not that i'm going to buy expensive organic healthy stuff from the supermarket. I'm still a cheapo but not so cheapo to buy really crappy stuff. I still can eat a lot of processed crap, i don't mind but for now, i'm going to be a rabbit and eat sliced carrots, lettuce and cucumber for lunch.

Ok, not always :P

hahah my mum is funny....

"Funny thing is I do feel a very small part of my life [ie, that part when I spent a short stay at the apartment] has been whizzed away by the couple who bought your stuff [especially the fridge - I was 'interacting' with it for whole 2 weeks]. "

i didn't feel as sentimental as her, but like her, i did like the fridge. But glad the burden of carrying those heavy stuff has been taken of me!

Home alone

Before anyone thinks i'm all lonely and stuff...I'm okay :)

My brothers left a couple of days ago and surprisingly, I didn't feel as crap as I thought I would be. I think coz this is the 2nd time they've left me by myself and I had PR stuff to sort out with my aunt right after they left and i've got all our junk to move out and other things in my mind. I'm definitely moving out...gotta get out here in about 2 weeks. I'm not sure where I'm moving yet...my mum was like..what?? hahha

Someone is coming tomorrow to buy some of our big furniture like my brothers' beds, sofa, study table etc ...and my fridge...oh, my big fridge. Oh well, at least i won't have to figure out a way to carry it down later on. So, I'll have to try to finish up all the food that needs to be refrigerated or do something with it.

My brothers helped me a lot especially to pack stuff in boxes. It's my fault we didn't move earlier. But it's okay....everything will be taken care of! My room is in a total mess, like a typhoon.

I cleaned up my brothers' room yesterday and tried to make the stuff we wanted to sell look presentable..They don't have much stuff unlike me....i like to hoard, can't bear to throw out some stuff but some will have to go..

Anyway , back to more cleaning and packing...

This is cool!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

And brilliance of symmetry...great way to remember the times table below:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321

Please pray for my grandfather

I was sleeping when my dad rang me on my mobile close to midnight 2 nights ago. First time in long time sleeping this early too. I hadn't spoken to him in awhile and honestly, i don't exactly enjoy speaking to him because he always talks about the same things. It's the way our relationship has been like as I've grown up, I suppose. But you know, I felt so rebuked as I was talking to him. Really felt how selfish I was to not regularly check up on how my family is back home, or how things are. Imagine this, in one week, we ourselves could accomplish so many things. If I don't speak to one family member in one week, i don't know a whole heap of stuff of what's happening in their lives. And I haven't spoken to them in maybe a month or something.

And so, my dad has recently returned from the US on this trip he went to with his biker friends....and I didn't even realise that he had gone!!!!!!!!! and when he mentioned it, i remembered he had told me at the beginning of the year and maybe a couple of months back.

And the worst news, my dad tells me Dr. Annuar called him to return earlier than planned because of Ah Kong (my paternal grandfather). Ah Kong went for an operation last Monday and i only knew that coz...my cousin told me on MSN. And he said the op went okay, so no need to worry and i didn't. So, I knew nothing else till my dad called 2 nights ago to say that Ah Kong is going for another op on Tuesday (yesterday). And the day after he had his first op, he had a stroke, his heart stopped and his kidney failed and he was placed in the ICU. And he has to go for a 2nd op coz his intestines are tangled up somewhere which is affecting his kidneys and his ability to pass motion.

Geez...

I called home yesterday evening but only Fe Che was home and she told me even more stuff, not so much the technical stuff, but how Ah Kong is, and how he was crying that he would not see yungyunghwahwa before he dies, that he is getting old, that everyone was at the hospital so so worried, stuff that happened when daddy was still away, the amount of tubes sticking out of his body, ....just stuff that made me so so sad.

My brother, Ching Yung then called my dad up. He was at the hospital and he said the op went okay, so my brother told me no need to worry. No need to worry for now, but will he still be alive when I actually go home to Malaysia, whenever that is before March?

My brother, Ching Hwa scanned these old photos in (He actually made an album out of the old photos my grandma gave us - not e-album!). My dad is the younger boy in the pic above. I love looking at these old pictures, especially the way my bro laid them out in the album. I see my dad smiling, with little bricks and other things in this little wheelbarrow thing he's holding and it makes me appreciate my dad more. I think my granddad was quite good-looking then? don't u think? I actually think both my grandfathers were pretty good-looking. hahah

Anyway, Yungyung has FINALLY gotten his PR application approved - whoopie!! He got notified by email last night. Mine is getting there...almost but not there yet. Coz we're on different PR visa types, I've got to do more stuff - my aunt actually, who's so kind to go through this hassle with me. My friend who is in the same boat as me, said her agent told her that my aunt goes for the interview next week, it'll take another month to assess everything!!!!

...and he bought a ticket today to go home on the same day as my other brother -- NEXT THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what am i supposed to do by myself????????? makes me want to go home too

both my brothers will be going to China anyway maybe in Sept/Oct...CY won this trip to CHina for 2 from these shares he has which my dad set up under his name....or something like that. Don't know nothing else. But he's also going back coz of Ah Kong and all that.

Also, haven't found a suitable place to move out yet. Can we move out before next Thursday?

anyways..

really wonder sometimes why i'm sticking around in Australia

....

My Malaysian neighbour directly above me is leaving on a 2-month holiday to China, Malaysia, Singapore and I'm not sure where else. The whole family is going: parents and 2 kids around my age. Holiday plus it's the parents' wedding anniversary. Aunty is always so nice to us. I met her when my brother and I came to check out this place for the first time more than 2 years ago. She frequently brings us food like sandwiches, baguettes, bread rolls from the cafe where she works at. I'm still not tired of them, saves us from the hassle of cooking or preparing something to eat. Haven't told her that when she gets back, we'll probably not going to be here anymore, but i'll leave a note under her door.

Anyway, at the moment, i feel like that life is pretty stagnant, especially after the exciting trip to Taiwan. I kinda feel directionless now, i don't know. At work in the lab, my friends (same position), we're either joking, laughing or talking serious stuff ie. we need to get out of this job and find a new one!! That's only coz we both have a degree, and he has a masters degree. Impatience impatience ...i feel it brewing. But then, the more impatient i feel, the more something doesn't come usually. And office politics, it's everywhere...something is so wrong with this world. Sometimes i realise how negative i can be when I speak, even at home. It feels good to let someone know how i truly feel but then later on, i wish i hadn't been so negative. Anyway, there are so many things to be thankful for at work, so I'm glad to be there.

anyway enough writing for now....i might go watch a taiwanese drama series later. One of the things I'm doing to keep up my Mandarin =) When I came back, i had dinner with 3 groups of friends (Bible study group, New College and chinese-speaking coursemates) and mannn....they all started speakng mandarin to me and laughing at me, esp my college and uni mates. One of my coursemates said that he's not going to speak in English to me anymore and he really didn't....haiizz...good for me i suppose.

haha...

good nite

we're moving out soon

Firstly, one of my brothers is going home to M'sia at the end of the month for sure, the other will be with me as we wait and wait.....and wait...as to whether we will be permanent residents of Australia. And then he'll leave me. So, don't really wanna live in this 2-bedroom place by myself.

Secondly, had an argument with the lady downstairs a couple of nights ago. Stupid woman started banging on our door and shouting like a crazy psycho coz all 3 of us took a shower that night after 12 am. My brother and I actually raised our voices ...we never used to shout when we talked back to her before but this time, we couldn't stand it anymore. She freaking hears everything we do coz she lives on the first floor (and as she puts it, the driveway is below her unit and so the sounds echo back). I just slammed the door back at her after i asked if she was finished with all her shouting.

anyway, we'll try not to shower after midnight anymore but we're definitely getting out of this place. Haven't found one yet but my brother has started looking online. I know my actions are really unloving and i'm probably going to regret even talking bad about her here, but at the moment, i don't give a rat's ass.

First day back at work

I started work in the lab again today. Early morning starts again...ahhhh...and my 2nd bus at 8.01 am was late which made me late to work but anyway, it was really great to see my workmates again!! Simple acts of friendliness and smiles can go a long way - it warms my heart just to get to know these people better. No matter where we go, we meet different people, whoever they are, with their own story to tell. Even you...yes you, you reading my blog now!!Anyway, If I ever had to leave, i'll find it hard-pressed. I'm not sure about the outcome of the job interview yet but found out i've got one of my coursemates working there too!!

Been feeling so lazy, the weather is making my bones and skin wither away like an old granny. hahha...

Back in Sydney again!

Now that I'm back, there are some things to sort out....work, i've got another job interview on wednesday, coming accommodation plans, brothers might be leaving etc etc...

Came back this morning and unpacked most of my stuff but I've been sleeping all day. And it's raining....rain, rain, rain...cold and wet. I prefer it hot hot hot!!

I miss Taiwan :(
I was really getting used to life there. I don't really want to be back. But ...it was not hard to adjust back...just lingering sentimental feelings, you know.

Next, just focus on the next part of life.

Taiwan - 4

It's my last night here in Taiwan =( July22, Saturday night as I write this.

so quick quick quick!!!

I've really really enjoyed my time here in Taiwan, it's like another part of my life, another short phase. And I really like it how it was not just a holiday and seeing a whole new place and all, but I got to learn Mandarin and other Taiwanese culture stuff and also develop new friendships. I wished I could have stayed another week or a few more weeks or something. But reality is, money will run out here and back in Sydney.

I should be really thankful for this opportunity. At the moment, my heart feels a bit heavy....sounds a bit off-key, but anyway, i don't know how else to describe it. Not the fact that I won't be in this room anymore tomorrow night at this time. Our calligraphy teacher and her husband took us to her mom's place an hour away out of Taipei today and we had so much fun there singing Karaoke and going out to see the lotus flowers and crabs and then coming back to have a great dinner her brother prepared for us. It was fantastic. I wanted to go meet my friend as well in the evening coz she was going to show me where she volunteers every Saturday evening at an Internet helpline centre. I really really really wanted to go see it. Thought I would have enough time, but no, there wasn't. Hopefully, I can see my friend tomorrow. She's my coursemate's best friend and she has been so nice and so patient with me, she's like a great big sister. I've met up with her every week! Learnt so much from her, not just coz we have to communicate in mandarin but from who she is and her life and work. Yesterday, she took me up to see the university she went to, which is up the mountains and to have dinner around that area and then followed her to pick her brother up. Her brother is autistic and she is truly such a good sister. She's also a social worker with kids and she studied Chinese culture as well, so she's really good at Chinese. She explains so well and patiently in Mandarin when I keep on asking her my questions in my childish mandarin way - what is this, what is that, what do u mean...sometimes using wrong tones. And she listens when i try my best to tell her a whole heap of things that I've been up to and experienced in Taiwan and other things. I decided the only way to improve was to keep on finding things to say and ask and to listen and at the same time, to study my Mandarin textbook to improve my vocabulary! I'm still pretty crap.

So, yeah i wished I could have gone to see her voluntary work thing. But being in my room now, with my roommate having left yesterday (I really enjoyed spending time with her too), had some negative thoughts forming in my head, 100% non-Taiwan related. Stupid feelings that make me feel like my life is worthless to some people and other stupid stuff. I try to think about stuff my really "whatever" friend told me or when I meet some people and the kind of people they are. Even like, my Taiwanese friend's workmate who is so friendly and talkative and funny! She taught me while we were on the MRT on how the Chinese Bible she has (New Testament) works. I've kinda forgotten most of the things she told me now. I've been going to this Catholic church on-campus (it's a catholic uni) - to the Mandarin service at 8.30 am. And I was so lost until I met these Vietnamese people and got off a pinyin sheet of them, and then I improved a little in my understanding. Spent one night going through the dictionary and the sheet - but I still haven't finished going through it personally.

Anyway, writing here makes me feel a bit better now. Hmm....wondering what I should do now. I still haven't started packing all my junk. Maybe I should finish watching this Mandarin-dubbed HK Andy Lau movie? That'll take awhile. Write some thank you notes perhaps. Think what I'm going to do tomorrow - last minute stuff especially.

It's also half past one in the morning and I want to wake up for my last church service tomorrow.

Ok i'm outta here...

Taiwan - 3

sighh....the typhoon hardly even hit Taipei today. That's what I think.

So, we had class. It was raining on and off all day but nothing exciting or anything.

So, in the afternoon a couple of hours after lunch, some of us caught the bus and MRT to the Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial Hall. He's one of Taiwan's past great leaders. It was raining unfortunately but we had a good time and managed to catch the guards marching in front of his huge statue figure. About 6 guards, all in sync, and so skillful (for eg. twirling their rifles with just one hand).

Chiang Khai-Shek Memorial Hall

Inside the Hall

My Taiwanese friends didn't really want to go there with us but of course encouraged us to visit it. To them, it is like what the outside of the Opera House is to locals in Sydney.

Well, after that, we went somewhere else to do other stuff.

Yippee- it's the weeekend now!!!! =D I can finally sleep in.

Taiwan - 2

The 台风 (Typhoon) is hitting Taiwan!! And because of that, our field trip to the Eastern part of Taiwan tomorrow and Saturday has been postponed to next week. Coz that's the part that is supposedly being hit first by the typhoon - tonight! I'm really looking forward to going there after hearing how really nice it is from a few Taiwanese people so I really REALLY hope we actually get to go there next week!! Typhoon, please go away!!

My first typhoon experience - but it's probably going to be just raining and the wind howling like it was last night. The rain isn't that heavy and the temperature is not cold. But if it gets worse, then I might not have class tomorrow. That would of course feel like good news to me when I wake up in the morning. But I'd rather the weather be hot hot hot like it was last week coz at least we can go out and do stuff.

Have I mentioned how many dogs there are loitering along the streets? Major street, small street, in the university grounds and even in front of my dormitory building! This dog slowly walks into Watson's (a shop that sells things chemists sell -except the drugs) and sits down on the floor in front of some shelves and goes to sleep. The salesgirl didn't even shoo it out. Wow, dogs are allowed to come in? I think the dog came in for the air-conditioning.

Some stuff we got up to besides our usual Mandarin classes.

We had a couple of days of learning a little bit of chinese calligraphy! Some of us have done it before but it was my first time. I write not that great but it was fun!

Our school took us to the National Palace Museum. It's supposed to be up there with the other top museums in the world like the Louvre in Paris and the museums in London and NYC.

Our calligraphy teacher, who is so nice and outgoing and says funny things, took us out to Danshui which is up north in Taipei, next to the water. She told us "don't stand me up ah!". She brought her husband, whom she told us in class - is "very funny man" and some of her other young young students. They were so nice - treated us to dinner and some other small foods. And we're having another "date" next Saturday just before we leave.

Catherine, me and my roommate, Robyn

Taiwan - 1

It's the ending of my 4th day in Taiwan, 2nd out of 15 days of Mandarin classes. Feels like I've been here awhile because I think I've done a number of things and hanging out with my other study tour mates has been so great. There are 9 of us, actually 10 but the guy flew home yesterday. I hope he's really okay. I sat next to him on the plane and I never thought it would turn out like this.

Mandarin skills are improving slowly I suppose. It was a struggle talking about technical stuff....like whether it is better to buy a SIM card or phone card? what are the options? I even went to the catholic church service on Sunday coz I wanted to walk around the campus and see what it was like. Attended the 8.30 am Mandarin service. I didn't realise till later that there would be English services after that! It was a good experience even though I didn't understand most of what was being said except when we read in their bible "and Jesus said" and bits of the eucharist. Thank God for this nice girl whom I sat next to even though I was trying my best to understand her.

I hate the traffic here. Scooters and motorcycles are crazy and tooooo many. Like swarms of flies on the road. The cars and other vehicles don't even follow the road lines even in busy parts of Taipei. Malaysian driving is crazy but definitely not as crazy as this. I nearly got knocked down by this motorbike as I was getting off the bus as I didn't look left. The motorcyclist called me some name but I couldn't hear it. But then the next day I realised that that stupid man was coming in the opposite direction to oncoming traffic!! (If u didn't know, people drive on the right hand side here)

Ok i'm not mad even though I may appear to be from the way I write. I'm really having a great time!! My brain is a bit tired now....just studied quite a bit. Write more next time.

And yeah, it's true about the toilets. And there is no toilet paper!! Just like Malaysia I suppose. I'm getting used to it.

Taipei 101 (current tallest building in the world)

Just checking out some facts about Taiwan

Check out these facts about Taiwan courtesy from www.lonelyplanet.com.

Population (and land area in brackets):

Taiwan: 22.5 mil (35,563 sq km)

Australia : 19.5 mil (7,680,000 sq km)

Malaysia: 23 mil (329,750 sq km)

Woww...Taiwan really has a lot of people, huh?

My friend told me something about Taiwanese toilets which I found pretty disgusting. You can't throw the toilet paper you've used into the toilet bowl. Instead there's a bin next to the toilet bowl where you can. Reason? Something to do with the inability of the toilet system to flush the toilet paper down. Could clog the system.

*eww* Let's see if this is true.

Almost 2 weeks since I started the lab job..

It's been a week filled with a mixture of emotions. And I feel pretty tired and a little sick. I woke up early one morning just to throw up and I had a bit of diarrhoea later on. It was weird. I have no idea why because I didn't even bother losing my sleep over the World Cup.

JX, little brother in our bible study group...had to fly home to Malaysia all of a sudden and defer 6 exams. He even deferred an exam he was going to sit for in 45 minutes. His mum has been admitted into the ICU and is semi-conscious. She had to undergo chemo last year but it seems now, her condition has become worse. I was feeling kinda down that day but after reading JX's email, I can't compare at all to what JX must be going through.

On a happier note.....guess what? I am going to Taiwan this Saturday!! for 3 weeks. It's a study tour kinda thing. To study intensive Mandarin. Actually, I haven't mentally prepared myself to the fact that I am even going. Just made my mind up recently, that's why.

wooo hooo!! a little excited though to be getting out of normalcy for awhile.

Just an update on my job progress

Dear friends,

I'm going to be starting work as a laboratory technician at this flavour and ingredients company. It's a casual job, which means no benefits and not having to come in every weekday. But i'll be working every weekday for 2 weeks to start off commencing next Tuesday. It's actually a simple job, not requiring the academic qualifications I have....and I'll actually be assisting the food technologists in preparing the product samples they need (If you didn't know, I did a bachelor degree in Food Technology, so actually, i prefer their job). In the interview, he was telling me he's looking for someone who would be staying for awhile and not leave after a few months, all the hassles of conducting interviews and training....and I'm like uh huh...okay..... but honestly, of course I don't want to stay like that for too long. Anyway, it's going to be a good opportunity and experience to just learn from the people around me for sure. Being able to learn from my food technologist colleagues without the responsibilities they have.

When people ask me what I'm doing now, I've got a pretty standard answer. Ask me if you want to know what it is.

So saying that, I guess I'm pretty happy at the moment to be finally getting a job in the food industry! (And I don't mean retail or restaurants). Finally.....! something related to my degree. And I can modify my standard answer now :D

Many thanks to a friend of mine who's working there.

Book Review

Title: A Spectator's Guide to World Religions

Author: John Dickson

Publisher: Blue Bottle Books

In this book, John Dickson presents the current big 5 religions in the world: Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity and Islam. He provides a fair and comprehensive account of the history, belief systems and spiritual practices of each religion from their own perspective in very clear and simple English.

I have actually just finished reading this book which belongs to my Korean friend, Hyunju Kim. She actually thinks it's a very good book and so do I!! This book gives a very good foundational understanding of what each religion is about as believed by the believers of each religion.

I was captured by the way the story of each religion unfolded in the course of history. Take for example, when I was reading about Islam. If you've been schooled in the Malaysian Education System, you would know that we had to learn a lot about Islamic history in Form 4. I seriously didn't understand Islam and I still don't understand what it's all about even though I've been brought up in M'sia. Whenever prayers are recited on TV or through the loud PA system from the nearby mosque, I just tuned off.

And about Judaism, the first time I had a deeper understanding about the Jews was when I read a book by Stan Telchin called Betrayed! (This is another really good book but guess it'll have to be saved for another blog entry). I mean, I knew that Jews were brutally prosecuted during the Holocaust and that there's some war going on between Israel and Palestine but those were just... distant facts. Or when I actually visited the Sydney Jewish Museum 1 1/2 years ago. It was interesting history but I was mostly enamoured after meeting these 2 old ladies who are actually survivors of the Holocaust. The other factual stuff displayed just slipped out of my mind even though I tried to read and learn more about Jewish history and customs.

What I'm trying to say is that the clear explanation of how each religion originated and how it progressed and what it's all about provided in this book gave me a richer and clearer understanding. It would be now so much easier to understand where my grandmother is coming from with her Buddhist beliefs for example. And I guess it also helps us when we try to converse with other people with other religions because each religion is so different.

As the book concludes, to remain with the pluralistic idea that all religions are the same but are just different cultural perceptions of the ultimate reality is just an unwillingness to explore each path more deeply. Isn't it easier to just accept 2 different accounts as just being 2 different ways because it's just the path of least effort on our part?

Anyway, this is a really gooooooood booook!!! Need I say more? :)

Random thoughts

Bosses, leaders among us, be it at work, church, uni or wherever...

Sometimes I think they have this level of authority that makes me think they have it all made. They have more knowledge than me, able to handle things better....how can I explain it? They'll be okay in what they do. I just have to listen to them, respect them and that's that. They're somewhat "untouchable".

But sometimes I realise that they're human too and they can go so down and depressed. They may also experience the same stupid relationship or other personal and professional problems. They need support too.

shocked, shocked, shocked...

I just found out today after having a conversation with a friend that our current Prime Minister's wife (Malaysian PM), Datin Seri Endon Mahmood died of breast cancer.

And when did she die? October 2005.

I was so shocked.....

shocked, shocked, shocked.

I can't even remember if my dad mentioned it to me or my mum. If they did, it didn't stick in my head...but something like this would have, so i guess they didn't tell me.

I'm not going to tell my dad this coz he'll ask me why i don't read the newspaper.

Note: read the Malaysian papers online.

Sign up for the 40-Hour Famine!!

What is the 40-Hour Famine?
It is an initiative by World Vision and is a popular annual event to raise funds and awareness in youth. It gets us involved by giving us a taste of what it feels like to go hungry. But it isn't just fasting from food for 40 hours. We can choose to go without anything that matters to us (eg. technology, talking) and then, raise donations for this.

This year's funds raised by World Vision Australia from the Famine will be channeled to East Timor specifically but also to support World Vision's work in Mozambique, Tanzania, and Zambia and help poor families survive natural disasters like floods, earthquakes and cyclones.

When is the 40-Hour Famine?
World Vision Australia has set it for the weekend of 18-20 August 2006.
(I just realised that other countries have it not at the same time as us - and instead of 40-hours, some have just 30 hours)

What is this about signing up?
Well, the UNSW World Vision Club is running a drive to encourage people to sign up and get involved in the 40-Hour Famine this year!

• When: This week (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday) 30/5, 31/5 and 1/6
• What time: 11.30- 2pm
• Where: In front of the library .... look out for our banner!

If you sign up with us, you'll get a free gift bag!! (more than a decent amount of nice stuff inside truly) You'll also be given the 40-Hour Famine booklet where you will find information inside on what to do etc..and also where you record amount donated, give receipts to people who have kindly donated and so on. The booklet is important and you will have to give it back to us after the Famine. We're basically doing this as a club and we'll collect all the booklets and donations and give them to World Vision.

For those not at UNSW and those who are but can't make it, tell me if you wanna take part okay? I guess preferably if you are here in Australia, preferably in Sydney. I'll get you a booklet, minus the gift bag (anytime before the Famine starts). We can do it together and spur each other on! Or let me encourage you to sign up by yourself wherever you are. Very easy peasy! Go to the website and follow the instructions. World Vision will mail you the booklet.

Email me if you wanna ask anything :)

This week

It's been a long week! I haven't felt like this in awhile...when last Sunday seemed like ages ago. I worked everyday except Monday when I went all the way to this town called Blacktown which is an hour away by train for something. I had to wake up at "ungodly" hours a lot this week =P (unearthly for me anyway) but ...I really like morning shifts! Leaves the afternoons and nights free which I needed this week. A couple of friends graduated, dinners outside, went for a Christian women's conference (called EQUIP) on Saturday, another dinner where i spent $30 (!!!!) and I think I did my longest bicycle journey ever without stopping, not that I'm going to do it again.

EQUIP was pretty good. I really enjoyed the talks (3 in total) - talks that speak to the heart and challenges the heart to live out the Christian life. I was pretty sleepy during the elective which took place before the talks....shhhh....i feel a bit bad about that....

I felt pretty housewifey this week as well. Cook, clean, wash clothes. I'm trying to be a better sister.

The waiting game

If you'd like to know, my application for Australian Permanent Residency is still pending. It's going okay. I called the immigration office recently and the person I was speaking to said that they were currently looking at e-applications received on Feb 26th. How slow is that? I just lodged mine in before the middle of March. And thinking back, I got back to Sydney from Msia on March 5th or 6th.

Maybe I shouldn't have gone home to Msia at all until my PR thingie was finalised. A batch of people just got their PR application approved 2-3 weeks back after having lodged theirs in at the beginning of the year. But you know, even though this waiting game is taking a bit too long, I'm still glad I went back to Malaysia when I did. Imagine if I just got my PR like these friends of mine recently. Should I then go home now? I think I'd feel like I wished to start full-time work instead and the timing feels a bit off. I feel like I'm in the middle of some life and now I'd have to book a ticket to go home. Going home now would be kinda too late for me compared to earlier.

Anyway, so my brother and I are now waiting..

My brother's graduation today!...and Dor's too!

It was Ching Yung's grad this afternoon. Unfortunately, my other bro couldn't attend it coz he had class from 2-5 pm and he had to do a presentation today but he did come at the end after Yung had returned his gown. Ching Yung doesn't like too many photos and was like, no need lahhh (even to my attending) but today, he didn't mind me taking photos after the initial and occasional no need lahs. Of course I know that his "no need lah" isn't truly a "not important, he doesn't care" kinda 'no need'.....

On the whole, it was a happy happy day! :D

with some of his friends (He goes to UTS by the way --> University of Technology, Sydney)

And a funny coincidence, it was my church friend, Doreen's grad too! that secretive girl.....I didn't know till my brother told me he saw some other of our church friends there. So of course we had to take a photo together! *big smiles*

Busy-ness is just an excuse

Ever get those moments when you realise you've been thinking a bit too much lately about yourself? Or feel like you've been worrying about your things when it hits you that other people are feeling down too?

I just found out a friend didn't do too well last semester and so had to cram all her final subjects in this semester but it was too much, so had to extend another semester. And I didn't even know till now because she appeared okay and always said things were okay when I asked. Most probably wasn't asking enough!

and this is my public commitment from now on.... try me very best never ever to say i'm busy. I sort of had it in my head not to say it because I truly am not busy. If I was, it would be my own fault for not disciplining myself throughout the day and doing things earlier. When i hear about the lives of others, I just feel ashamed for even remotely thinking I was busy.

And i kinda hate the word when it's mentioned a lot especially at work when suddenly the queues get longer and there are more people. They start mentioning that it's busy in the store....or if it's not, they ask if it's been busy. Hate that word.

It's either I agree or deflect it by saying something more encouraging. Or just phrase it in another way.

And the more I use the word at this very moment and look at it, the more i wonder why I so easily see that word pronounced as biziii and not boosi. :P

Zhang Yimou films are fantastic!

How cool would it be if going to lectures every week involved watching films? Not that critiqueing and analyzing them every week would be really fun but we would definitely learn more. Anyway, it just hit me last week when i was talking to my friend, Guan that the Chinese Cinema lectures he sat in for the past 2 years and where he's now helping his supervisor out in the technical sides.....this subject involves watching chinese films every week!! now, why didn't he make it clearer to me then?? I've been under the clouds for 2 years!! and my brother, Ching Hwa absolutely likes classes like this...in big lecture halls where he can just reflect on his own.

I mentioned before that I was attending these other chinese classes that Guan was tutoring every Monday morning. Haven't really been very faithful in attending them every week...Guan called both me and my bro his laziest students hahaha.....and Guan is ever kind, photocopying the chapters for free for me in the chinese department. But I told him to stop the photocopying for now. I'm getting a bit lazy and sometimes, I get lost when Guan jumps from here to there in the readings. Mann...those 3rd year chinese students are not quite good in chinese but put me beside them, and i suck even more. The level of chinese in their textbook is so tough and it's supposedly primary school standard. Well, i know if I put in more effort and don't succumb to indiscipline and laziness, I would improve but unfortunately, i succumb to my negative side ....a lot! .....spank me!!

But well....watching films definitely perked our ears up and the fact that the class is run in english and the films have english subtitles. So I went with my bro today to the "chinese cinema" class and this week, we watched Red Sorghum starring Gong Li. Zhang Yi Mou's first major film - you know, the guy who directed HERO! He's directed a number of critically acclaimed films that have done really well at international film festivals.

In the film, there's this really gross part where all of a sudden, the Japanese invade China. Some of the chinese peasants rebel against them and to squash such rebellion, the awful japanese soldiers force these local butchers to skin those rebels alive. One refuses because the rebel he is supposed to skin is his master. The other is so scared but ultimately does it or else be skinned alive himself. So grosss....such depictions really stir up anti-japanese sentiments in me a bit. You know, after all that world war 2 stories on the brutality of the japs we hear about.

And i can now say "sorghum" in Mandarin!! :D

This morning at work, this chinese guy comes up to the register and shows me his packet of iodised salt and starts asking me questions in mandarin. And I seriously didn't understand what he was asking me about because my vocabulary is so low and i don't even know how to say salt or iodine in mandarin!! Well, I could tell it was something about the salt...probably the iodine or something. I looked around for any of my chinese workmates but none of them had started their shifts yet.... sighh...Maybe I should have pretended to be Korean or something.

It's times like this that i feel my inadequacy and shame of even calling myself chinese. But it does make me desire to improve.

blah blah blah.....gee...what a ramble!! :D

Stroke Identification

A forwarded email from my Dad.
STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters...

During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm , Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead. It only takes a minute to read this...

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Thank God for the sense to remember the "3" steps, STR . Read and Learn! Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S *Ask the individual to SMILE.

T*Ask the person to TALK, to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. . . It is sunny out today)

R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

{NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue... if the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke} If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

****************************************

Strokes are not just caused due to blockage by a blood clot of an artery leading to the brain. It can also happen because the blood vessel bursts and blood leaks into the brain.

My paternal grandfather nearly got one I think - there was > 90% blockage in the artery in his neck last year. My mum has never ceased to rub the bruises we tell her about so hard till we scream in pain for her to stop. She tells us over and over again about blood clots. And then I remember this real story about how a young woman in her 20s just died because an artery burst in her brain. So sudden.

Well, that's all I know about strokes so far.

The life of Freddie

Another life lost 2 Fridays ago.
I heard he fainted while working at a restaurant early that afternoon. He had some sort of heart disease and blood couldn't flow from his left to his right side or something.

Single parent of a 7 year old boy.
Indonesian.
We knew him as he worked in the kitchen at New College sometimes.
I remember the few short chats I had with him at college. He'd speak to me in Indo and I'd try my very best to respond likewise....there's always this little immediate bond when one is able to speak another person's language. Happens when I meet Indonesians. Not that I speak well enough.

Anyways....

Attended his wake Friday evening.
Justin, his brother came up at the end to speak about him. I knew him from college too.
It was difficult for him and his grief touched our very hearts.

There's nothing like someone talking about the life of a dear one huh?
And realising that I should have spoken to this person more.

The story of the 10 Commandments continued..

So, I've been reading the book of Exodus in the Bible because that's where the story of Moses happens. I'm sort of halfway through the book (40 chapters long) where God is about to announce what his 10 Commandments are.

There's this part that I don't understand in Exodus Chpt 4:24-26. But before that....so far, Moses has been leading a normal life, settled down and already having children outside Egypt in the land of Midian. However, God chooses him to bring His people out of slavery in Egypt as they are suffering under the tyranny of the Pharaoh and Egyptians. Moses is not confident at all because he is not eloquent and wonders why God has chosen him. But God gives Moses the ability to perform powerful signs with his staff. Moses then prepares to leave for Egypt with his wife and sons.

Exodus 4:24-26 - At a lodging place on the way, the LORD met him (I guess this 'him' is Moses) and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah (Moses' wife) took a flint and cut off her son's foreskin and touched Moses' feet with it and said, "Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me!" So he let him alone. It was then that she said, "A Bridegroom of blood," because of the circumcision.

Huhhh?? WHy would God want to put him to death?? I don't even understand why Zipporah is doing that. Maybe I need to read it again, especially the parts before this part. But does anyone have any clue or know what I'm talking about?

Talking about the movie. It's strange....in the little bits that I managed to catch of the 2nd half of the film, i distinctly remember this scene where this couple are together in a small pool in the desert when the husband arrives and sees them. A fight breaks out and the husband is killed. Both the man and woman are both stricken with pain and guilt. Later on, I don't know how the whole community finds out about this (as i wasn't watching) and the man is brought forth to the tent of Moses where Moses has to make a difficult and painful decision to punish him. Both man and woman are then stoned to death. Now this all happens before Moses goes up Mount Sinai to collect the tablets where God writes his 10 commandments. My point is, I didn't come across that whole affair and stoning scene in what I'd just read. How did the scriptwriters know that that whole thing happened? maybe they were trying to use their imagination or it appeared in some other historical Jewish book that I'm not aware of...?

Also, as i'm flipping the pages, Chapter 20 starts talking about the 10 Commandments and all the rules and stuff all the way till the end of Chapter 31! Chapter 32 starts off with the people getting all restless for Moses is taking so long in coming back from the mountain that they start building a golden calf to worship as God. When I watched the movie, it didn't seem that long! I guess coz they didn't go through all the rules and stuff....would have been too boring I suppose.

Deelip and his work in India

Had this idea early in January this year of going with my friend to India. She was going to go backpack with her brother but I just wanted to do volunteer work which she was also agreeable to. But there was a change of mind and I didn't follow through with this plan. My friend and her brother did go to India though.

However, I did do a bit of research online previously and Deelip Mhaske emailed me. Only 27 years old and so passionate about poverty and other community issues. And the amazing thing is he doesn't even forget me after I had stopped thinking about India. Check out these webpages:

http://paybacktosociety.blogspot.com/
http://kimfalazari.blogspot.com/

Time whizzes past too soon

I used to love going to the airports when we were sending people off. You know, the feeling of going overseas and holidays to "much more awesome" places. And the feeling of being on a plane....no i'm not scared of them! But when I went to Brisbane, Australia with my dad for 2 weeks in 1992 to stay with my cousins there (whereby my dad left soon after for Western Australia on business and home to M'sia), i was feeling all teary at the airport and my dad was wondering what was wrong with me.

Anyway, I think I don't like airports now. Leaving is too sad. I don't know if I'd rather be the person who leaves or be the one left behind. The one left behind has it worse though I think. They return home, and what was supposed to be there, is now emptiness. Life's a dependency and now we have to be on our own.

Sometimes we don't know what happens after that. Our lives can take such a dramatic turn that in the end what was, is not anymore. The one we love never comes back and desires to forget you. Sometimes, all's well and there are no tears. But I know my mummy still loves me and she arrived home safely, thank God.

I miss my MUMMY!!!!! :(

when will this ever end?

Whenever any such news reaches my ears
suddenly my mood drops
and all I can think about is loss
and other feelings of disappointment

I really hate this feeling of sudden mood shift

All I know is that when I look back on this in the future
I'd wonder why it was so hard to forget

Just ignore what I'm saying....

Moses and the Day of Pentecost

The film "The 10 Commandments" was being shown on TV over the Easter weekend and I managed to catch bits of the 2nd half last night at Aunty Kim's place. It's really long and I always wanted to see it after my former Bible study leader mentioned having a movie night to see it about 2 1/2 years back. Anyway, the movie made me want to go read the Moses story properly. Never really did it before but I just sort of know the overall summarised version. Movies just help me to picture things properly and sort of understand their feelings at that time. I always sort of wondered why on earth did they build that ugly gold idol to worship so quickly and forget God while waiting for Moses to come down from Mount Sinai.

At church camp, we were reading one of the chapters in the Book of Acts and i realised i didn't know what the Day of Pentecost meant. I had to go on the Internet to read up on it which was interesting background information. Before i'd just read through the passage not understanding these little bits and pieces. They really make a difference in understanding the context of the passage.

I'm in the mood for some historical juice now.....History can be really interesting sometimes!

church camp this weekend

I'm going to church camp this long Easter weekend - Friday to Monday so see you after that!

if the week could start getting worse, it did yesterday....i was attempting to lock my bike up at work when I realised that i had taken my brother's keys by mistake!! which means, i didn't have my locker key, which means i didn't have access to my work clothes. And the office didn't have a spare key!!! THey only had a spare shirt. So I had to work in my own pants and shoes.

in all situations, stay calm...it is not the end of the world. There is always some sort of solution. Worse things have happened.

2 sides to a coin

You know how sometimes we can be so irritated at our parents and feel that they just want their way when we're trying so hard? we think they'll always be there and we forget to appreciate them. We get so annoyed till the point of complaining to close friends to let off steam. And our reasonings seem understandable coz the parents are seriously unreasonable! But then, if we're from an outsider's point of view who knows the parents, we wonder why their kids feel this way, when the parents are seriously wanting the best for them!

Don't get me wrong....i am so happy that my mum is here, not that i'm not guilty of feeling she fusses about some things too much, but that's the natural instinct of a mum. It's been so relaxing to have the house clean, and all my clothes washed (by hand!!) and food ready on the table! And foood that is not simply cooked with easy ingredients. You know, cooking the type of food u need to learn by standing beside your mum or your grandma while they put in this traditional thing and that lahh. As Aunty Maggie says....unpaid maid all the way from Malaysia!

I don't know what i'm going to do when she leaves. I might have an emotional breakdown.

Graduation Day yesterday :)

**It does feel good to graduate!!**

Actually, I wasn't that hung up over this at first. I went right down to complaining how much i had to pay just to hire the gown and all the other UNSW money-making schemes.

But yeah, it was a great day!!! I was kinda frazzled some of the times and I didn't take pics at every significant place or with everyone i wanted to. But thanks to all who showed up to see me and who didn't - felt really happy by your good wishes - truly!

With my ever present, ever busy, ever nice supervisor, Dr. Robert Driscoll.

*Beautiful flowers by my New College mates*

With some of my coursemates

With my family who came! Mummy is super tired..

With Aunty Kim, who so kindly came and paid for the photos we took professionally (a gift, she said)

Heaps more photos on my online photalbum soon (too manyy... and to be updated).

This week...

It's my graduation ceremony this Thursday!! Time to take happy smiley pics in my gown with my happy smiley friends and be officially recognised as finished with uni for now.

My mum has bought her tickets to Sydney already! She'll be coming over just in time to attend the ceremony.....actually 3 hours before. She'll be staying here till April 22, so in the meantime, she'll be doing all our marketing and cleaning and cooking for us hahaha.... =P. Not serious... Poor mom is stressed with all the work piled up for her, what with she having to come here for so long. She's really organised too.....she has packed already and still trying to sort out her stuff to make way for weight considerations. Well, she was a secretary for close to 30 years. I think secretaries are very organised.

My sister is also stressed. She's got her major exams at the moment.

My bro, Ching Hwa has got his oral Japanese test today......ohayo gozaimasu! genki desu?? We're still going for the jap classes at my uni. He finds them motivating and i really enjoy learning the Jap grammar! very funnn!! :)

Above Rubies Part 1

"Above Rubies a magazine to encourage women in their high calling as wives, mothers and homemakers. Its purpose is to uphold and strengthen family life and to raise the standard of God's truth in the nation."

Above Rubies has recently become one of my favourite magazines again. I just like to read it when on my breaks at work or when i take the bus. It is motivating and inspiring. The first time I heard of it was when the husband and wife team, Colin and Nancy Campbell came to our huge church in KL quite some years ago to give a talk. Nancy came up to address the women in the congregation as well and whatever she said was pretty challenging considering that most of the women were I think, both full-time career women and mothers.

Excerpt from ABOVE RUBIES Issue 65, November 2005

"Friends with Who?" by Evangeline Johnson

Friendship comes before discipline and order. Before you freak, let me explain. I am a firm believer in complete obedience. That goes without saying! However, it is far better to have friendship, than everything perfect with no relationship. That is dead meat!

Some believe that to be "buddy, buddy" with your child destroys order. Wrong. Do I propose they should start calling me by my first name? No. Respect is a must. Respect and obedience must come out of trusted friendship. They will then realise that discipline comes out of desiring to see the best for them. Discipline without relationship breeds rejection, which is the seedbed of rebellion. You may be able to enforce external compliance, but without friendship there is no real heart change. They might be sitting down on the outside, but they will still be standing up on the inside. Submission is a heart issue. No child on earth submits his heart willingly without the love of friendship.

****************************

I had totally forgotten that in school, whenever we passed a teacher or visitor, we had to say "good morning/afternoon sir/madam". It was so mechanical. Behind their backs, whenever we talked about our teachers in any way, we always referred to them by their first names or last names without the respectful title in front. "Selva said that we have to start writing on a new page for every essay....i really hate this shirley". We respected them but forced respect. When we got out of school, it totally slipped out of our minds. Students still became pot-smokers and knife-wielders, in school and once after high school.

To bring matters close to home, PARENTS. There are the parents whom you can so easily talk to. The parents who only know how to tell, not talk. And we just listen and keep quiet. We obey only coz we don't want to get a scolding. Just external compliance and perhaps a bit internally. Oh well, this is a whole big issue and we are going to make mistakes ourselves as parents.

Come to think of it, the reason why this really unpleasant person in front of me is being extremely unpleasant or why this person has chosen this or that way ultimately boils down to the way he/she was brought up. And first point of contact and perhaps most of the way thru life: Parents. And in what manner did they bring up their children. Another whole issue.

We can't blame our parents for life. Life in this world affects us too. But there are so many things that happen in our life that serve to make us realise the better way, if we would only humble our hearts to truly listen. Love can start from us.

In love with Aarib

Actually, I did do something worthwhile last week. Meeting up with Baber and his family made me fall in love again. hahaha...

Baber is my Pakistani friend from New College way back in 2002-03. He used to show us photos of his then-fiancee of their engagement ceremony! woww...and we finally get to meet Saadiah in person! And as Baber was back in Pakistan and married, the baby photos started to come. And finally, we get to meet mighty Aarib in person too!!

He is the most adorable happy baby I have ever met in my life. Jodie and I have found a reason to keep on living =P (my words......but Jodie is definitely in love too). He smiles so much....even when he meets strangers! when he was crying....all we had to do was show him happy funny faces, and he'd smile!!! And not only is he extremely sociable, he is one brave baby. He was trying to burst a ballooon with his bare hands and teeth!! His mother says he likes it, he is even not afraid of the dark.

I shall take this opportunity to show off pictures of Aarib.

Aarib at a Chinese Restaurant (photo by Jodie.....yeah, we were taking heaps of pics as if he was our baby)

Happy Family at the Fish Markets.

Group pic at the Fish Markets

Aarib trying to burst the ballooon....if he wasn't afraid, i definitely was!

Click here to view even more photos.

They're leaving tomorrow... =(

Bye bye...till we meet again.

Happy Birthday, Szu Hsiao!

It's the start of a whole new week and I've decided that I really should start anew. Time to cut down on time wasted doing absolutely nothing worthwhile and spending half the day sleeping......that's what I felt like last week even though I was working close to full-time at my part-time job. Some money came in but time just went by in a blink! This week, I'm going to try to be more disciplined. First job is to wake up early...that can be hard... :P I managed to do it today sort of coz I actually went into uni to sit into a couple of classes with my bro, Ching Hwa. Guan started teaching a chinese class and after that, we went to the first-year Jap lecture that Guan was sitting into. I don't know...maybe I'll make it into an every Monday thing...until I get a full-time job.

The best news of the day.....

My dear sister, Szu Hsiao is 19 today!!
HApppY happppyyy birthdayyy!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so thankful that I have a sister and I'm not stuck with just 2 brothers hahaha....she is definitely the most patient and kindest of the 4 of us.

All grown up............You know, It's so nice to just say " szu hsiao....u drive".

"Thought is Creative"

Excerpt from "Success is not an accident" by Brian Tracy.
Newsletter From the Masters presented by Beliefnet Inc.

"Thoughts are causes and conditions are effects." Put another way, "Thought is creative." Your thoughts are the primary creative forces in your life. You create your entire world by the way you think. All the people and situations of your life have only the meaning you give them by the way you think about them. And when you change your thinking, you change your life, some times in seconds!The most important principle of personal or business success is simply this: You become what you think about most of the time.It is not what happens to you but how you think about what happens to you that determines how you feel and react. It is not the world outside of you that dictates your circumstances or conditions. It is the world inside you that creates the conditions of your life.

******************************************

Have you ever met people who truly inspire your life? I was just thinking about these 2 older people whom I came into contact with at 2 different occasions in 2 different countries. I was struck by their immense passion for God coupled with absolute sincerity. They are such outgoing people but humility belies their heart and words, that when they talked to me, it was like, I was their only focus and they had all the time in the world for me. I seriously nearly wanted to cry by overwhelming gratefulness and feelings of undeserved care and concern. And I was happy at that time, not even seeking anything from anyone.

There are so many influences around us that have shaped our thinking and will continue to have an influence on us. But there are some things that we will ultimately come to stand for what we believe we want our life to be. We can choose to be positive or downright complaining. I'm sure we've all heard of this. We can choose to be friendly or to live in our own world. We can choose to be play it safe and follow a strict life-guideline or believe we can make the challenge and be a risk-taker, believing in impossible dreams. I like this quote:

"Ordinary people believe only in the possible. Extraordinary people visualize not what is possible or probable, but rather what is impossible. And by visualizing the impossible, they begin to see it as possible." -- Cherie Carter-Scott

Bad joke

This is a total joke. I'm going home tomorrow. My student visa has expired at last.

Nearly went off the rails when they refused to open my letter till a week later coz they were only reading mails received on March 1st.....I mean, what the heck?

See y'all in Vegas

.....You know I'm only joking, right?
Don't worry, it's all okay :)

Back in good ol' Sydney

It just feels like last week that I looked out the window. The time back home in M'sia now seems like a dream, a memory of the things I had done. I miss it though. Leaving M'sia is much harder than leaving Sydney but I love it both.

I think I will return to M'sia in the future to live permanently. Maybe I don't understand how hard the working conditions can be, how difficult it is for non-Malays or how low the salary but one thing's for sure, quoting my mum, how government offices give us blood pressure. I'm very privileged at home....being able to drive my dad's nice car. To fill up petrol, all I had to do was swipe my credit card. I didn't even feel that bad when it went up by 30 cents/litre...i'd still step on the gas and go to places I wanted to go with the air conditioning on and the radio blasting soothingly (yeah i'm an old fart like my dad...favourite station is the light and easy channel). I was using my dad's money for everything. And I could feel myself being more willing to spend even more money than how I usually am.

Not depending on my dad and making it on my own financially was very important to me and still is, in a way. If I was smarter, I'd use my dad's money to make more money. But one step at a time....firstly, I've gotta make sure I can still stay legally in this country. I quickly sent in the visa form (called Graduate Skilled Visa which extends my stay by 6 months) by express post this afternoon so hopefully I won't be kicked out after March 15th. Tomorrow it's back to work at Coles - i'm excited to meet my old friends again actually! I'm looking forward to working more, what with my bank a/c depleting at an alarming rate due to rent and otherbills.

And yeah...i'll be looking for a professional job too wherever the wind blows. A few short term goals for the time being.

Just thought again of this ad..

The best advertisements here are during Chinese New Year, for sure. Touching, funny, heart and thought-provoking.

4 grandmothers are sitting around a mahjong table in the garden. They're all very proud of their sons and one by one, they start to boast about them. My son is a doctor overseas...works so hard and earns a lot.....my son is a professional so and so in one of those big firms, works so hard, so can't see him a lot...etc etc.." (in Hokkien...with subtitles of course.. ). And then when the 4th grandma is asked about her son, she says that her son is coming to pick her up...and then he arrives in a little Proton car and walks her to the car while the other grandmas watch on with a whimsical, envious, wishful... expression on their faces. Someone else wrote an excerpt about it here.

Chinese New Year is a time for family reunions when the whole family is together...how nice would it be to be so?

When and if I'm a grandmother, I hope all my children are near me, in the same country and we can take family portraits every year with every member present. That would be nice.

Life is short

Of all news, I found out today that one of my former workmates at Nestle is no more. Since some new year celebration this year in a motorcycle accident. His name is Helmi, young Malay boy about a year older than me, who was working in the QA/QC Lab next door. I finally paid a visit to the Maggi factory where I worked for 2 months 2 years ago. Brought along some wrapped rock candy and photos taken with them before and I was showing them to me mentor, Ai Lian and when she saw Helmi's picture, she told me the bad news. And so did other people when they saw the picture. This is like the 2nd death Ai Lian has told me about these holidays.And I was going to give him stuff.

I remember how he allowed me to stand beside him and see what he was doing while he explained stuff. This was when I was so bored and wanted to see what he does in his department. Even allowed me to do some stuff which was basically chemistry lab stuff. He;'d tell me how to improve my Malay in a cheeky you-should-say-it-like-this kinda way coz I was not too good. We always spoke in Malay anyway coz his english sucks even more. Tried to teach him a bit once or twice.

It's weird how things turn out.

I just have this feeling that I'm going to hear about more deaths this year. I even think our little poodle, Lady is going to die. I found a 1996 photo of us in front of the christmas tree and i really think my bro was holding her and not our previous white dog. I saw her sleeping a lot last month. She's always such a hyper little dog so that sleeping looked weird. Fe, our maid, told me that she was sick coz it was raining. Maybe she always gets a bit sick when it rains.

Anyways...

People come, people go. Just hard to accept when people go, pets go...most of the time anyway...

Decisions decisions...

yeah so I decided that i had to come back to Sydney ASAP to settle my visa issues, which I hope can be done in time. Fingers crossed and hearts slashed and wood touched. So I booked and confirmed today a ticket back this Sunday....so sooooon huh....I've just gotta bank in the cheque by tonight. It's always too little time left and i start realising it too late.

So this week, gotta do all the last minute stuff. For eg.. yesterday, i just got my passport renewed. Yeah i know, so last minute. The good thing is that it's ready by the next day. Ah Mah (dad's mom) got admitted into the hospital yesterday too....she fell down early in the morning and fractured her pelvic bone. Made me think of my mum's china plates cracking...eww....and the purple bruise on her right hand was so so so big and spread out. It was disgusting...i've just never looked at bruises so much before. And her blood pressure was just too high coz she's so worried all the time about every single thing. At a point in time, I felt incredibly sad just thinking that she would really depart us soon as she always says she has asked God to.

Old people just want to talk to people especially when they're lonely. Someone who listens and who speaks kind words back. Even if all they have done for many years is complain and complain and most of their family members are just so fed up. And then you discover that they could play the piano by ear when they were younger, even though with just one finger or still remember old songs like Bengawan Solo.

"bengawan solo....riwayatmu ini..."

As Mother Teresa so adequately puts it

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."

We forget so easily but thank God for reminding us of this by His little ways.

freaking nuts

My brother, Ching Hwa is leaving for Sydney tomorrow at 6 am. When he's gone, I'm not exactly excited about being the only child at home ....but anyway, I have a number of things on my mind now especially the PR stuff. Then at 8 am, i have to go do my IELTS exam. The exam is so freaking expensive - RM 495...and the price is going to go up soon. Freaking nuts.

I feel really upset now....like no one cares about me. Really stupid so i'm going to say it again. This is freaking stupid.

Try this out!

Try this online game recommended by my dear friend and fresher from college, Joni To! :)

So, all you gotta do is move the red box with your cursor and make sure that it doesn't touch the blue boxes and the walls of the enclosure. Joni says that the Danish words on the side mentions that American Navy pilots have to hold it down for a minimum of 2 minutes. So far, i've only been able to do it for about 10 seconds. Joni's gone up to 20 secs.

That place called Singapore

I can't believe I actually agreed to go to Singapore...it was an impromptu decision that i pushed aside the whole afternoon and deliberated on as i was asked again in the evening of my friends' departure. I finally relented...i'm getting soft. Just had no intentions of going there. Anyway, so I caught the overnight train with Guan, Newton and Ann backto Singapore. Rung my dad and asked if i could go and he said ok, and i just told my entire family I was just going. So said bye bye and "I'll come back in a few days" and left.

Woww...felt like I could do whatever i want. It's my 3rd time there in the past 4 years so it felt kinda normal to just take the train over the straits. I'm so glad i have such good friends in Singapore!

I was just there for just 2 days and 2 nights. I didn't want to stay any longer. I said..I don't have enough clothes which was rebuffed as a pathetic excuse. I think I didn't want to impose on my friends too much but i just have some personal unsettled business and other stuff to take care of at home. I can't explain it properly but i didn't feel like leaving Malaysia. BUT you know, I knew my pathetic attitude, which i didn't show, was pathetic so I tried to enjoy myself and be eager to meet my friends. It was REALLY really great to meet some of my college friends...especially our Big brother Jeremiah, whom I saw 2 years ago at his wedding, kailing, Weihseun and the rest! I finally got to see his little 7-month old Emma!! Jere is going to turn 30 (and senile) but he still looks so youthful. You know, I have him to thank for the bike I have in Sydney. He gave it to me for free. Steph, if you're reading this, sorry didn't call you...i really forgot to bring your tel. no. with me.

Things we did in Singapore was eat, eat and eat. I did like the new national library though...very nice! Too bad all the libraries don't offer free Internet service :(

I'm going to look out for someone for Guan...someone as dramatic, and who just loves to eat "good" oily fattening food (like deep fried chicken skin ewwwwww). Hahhaha... if anyone can recommend anyone, please do!

really great dinner at Klang, Malaysia (we were all impressed!). Back(L-R): Pey Pey, me, kenny, Newton. Front: Guan and Ann

just loved the laksa we had for lunch at Toa Payoh, S'pore..yum yum!! (L-R): Guan, Kai, HDB architect Jere, Weihseun and me!

Yay!

Tomorrow, a few of my New College mates, Guan, Newton and Ann are coming up to KL for a visit! I'm pretty excited to see them again! Unfortunately, Kailing and Weihseun can't come but i'm holding on to their future promises of coming! I'm still thinking...what shall we do, where shall we go...but I'm not worried coz they're really good friends and luckily we have another 2 more M'sian friends who can be tour guide with me, Peypey and Kenneth. This is going to be much easier than when I first got back and had to be the only tour guide to my two Aussie coursemates when I was feeling so blur and most of the time not knowing how to explain stuff.

They are just going to be here for 2 whole days, and they seem to be game for anything. I wanted to take them to the Puteri Gunung Ledang Musical at Istana Budaya which is looking to be a big thing, but Guan said it's ok. Rather spend time chit-chatting! So, I guess it'll be mostly eating out and hanging out! If we had more time, we'd probably do more cultural historical artsy stuff which I know Guan would appreciate. I'm thinking satay at Kajang with my A-level mates since I'm missing out on the house-to-house visits they're planning on Saturday! If you haven't tried Kajang satay, it's known to be the bestest satay in Malaysia. Thank God we're not doing shopping malls, perhaps one. But Weihseun, if you were coming,I'd take you to most. :) and I'd even go to the Sunway Lagoon theme park with you as you wished.

I'm going to try to sleep early tonight, or else i might miss their 6 something a.m. arrival from Singapore. I told Guan, any time can be too early for me, even 11 am. So, whatever la...!

but yeah...hopefully i'll be up..

Family tree

.........In real life, when one meets a large family, with all its ramifications of uncles, aunts, and cousins, as well as grandfathers and grandmothers, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, their friends, servants and pet animals, it takes time to distinguish them;one does not expect to remember straight away that it is Jane who is married to Bertram, ...Aunty Margaret who had the unfortunate love affair. One has to get to know them........

Taken from the preface of China Court by Rumer Godden.

I think a lot people reach a point in their life when learning about their family tree becomes a fascinating pursuit. Names become just names that fade into the distance with no face to place them with and no story to tell. Current members are not appreciated because of how they have turned out to be but once their history is unfolded, we listen in rapture to the life they had lived and the people they once were. We are captivated by their stories of unknown distant family members and old family friends. Old photos are dug up, and viewed with wonder, carefully preserved, sorted and labelled.

Past stories may be big regrets or mundane, but definitely no one can be so insignificant as to not deserve a book written in honour of his/her family. We all have interesting stories to tell.

happy Chinese New Year!

A feng shui person supposedly told my cousin that the year of the Dog begins on Feb 4th, when Chinese New Year actually began on Jan 29th. Now, why is that? I'm too lazy to google search at the moment, so I'll just leave it at that.

Thinking back, it's been close to 3 weeks since i've been back. I feel like it's been longer. Anyway, I'm quite happy with how I've spent my time here so far....except with what I'm doing with my PR application. Sometimes i wish I got more worried or stressed about things.

We've been going to Melaka to visit my sister who is studying there, about a 2-hour drive down south. She lives by the sea so she has an awesome view from her place. While she was at school, we took time out to visit the museums and stuff. Melaka is a very historical place....our history schoolbooks couldn't get enough about it. Below is a picture of me and my dad posing in front of some historical buildings.

**I got this idea!! ** Next time someone asks why I can't speak Chinese, I'm just going to tell them I'm Baba Nyonya. They're Chinese people who have Malay blood in them and usually can't speak Chinese. Ok, I don't think I'll carry this through...it was just a nice idea. And i know what some people think but i'm not completely a banana....I can speak some Chinese!! I can seriously have a conversation with someone one on one, but no too serious stuff.

A front pic of my dad's Mini Cooper. We drove it down to Melaka once. I saw one of our little Kancil cars here looking like a yellow Mini! If you don't know, the usual Kancils look quite unfancy. Copycats..

CNY for us started off with a dinner at my mom's parents house on CNY eve. There were just 2 families who came out of 7 since the rest are in Australia and one is in another state. My 3 little cousins are so cute!! The oldest one just loved posing for the camera. We had heaps of fun, just laughing and clicking away on the camera. She wants all the pics, she says! ok ok...sure, no problem. :)

Ah Poh and her 5 granddaughters.